Why I no longer point out my boyfriend’s faults…
I finally understand love. …now I just need to practice it.
I used to only love people based on conditions and it was awful. For me and everybody involved. Without even being fully aware of it I would base my happiness on what other people were doing… even more specifically “what were they doing FOR ME?” Cause then - and only then - would I be happy with them. Worse than that I was hyper focused on all the things they WEREN’T doing.. and then I would make it a point to complain about it because that’s the only way I felt I could get them to change. And I desperately wanted people to change.
→ Boyfriend didn’t hold the door open for me? … “He’s so selfish,” I’d think, “now I’m mad.”
→ My mom comes home complaining for the millionth time? … “She’s so annoying.”
→ Lady smiling for no good reason? … “She’s such a phony.”
Perhaps the worst of all…
→ Anyone doing anything nice for me? … “What do they want? what’s their intention?”
I was fixated on the negative side of damn well everything. I used to just think this was “logical” or “realist” thinking that kept me a few steps ahead of the rest but the truth is… this was damaging every area of my life and I was way, wayy behind. It was hindering my relationships with everyone, including myself. I was disconnected from everyone I came into contact with. I was depressed, super self conscious and, because of my own attitude towards others, I just assumed everyone was looking at me in the same way. Judging everything that I did wrong. So I aimed to be a perfectionist. Nobody could say anything negative about a perfectionist. I fixated on doing everything that I thought would get me love. It was such a huge paradox because I was trying to fix everyone else to fit my idea of perfection. Telling them all the ways they were going about their lives wrong and how I had the best solution. Meanwhile pushing them away and keeping myself secluded and completely void of love.
Then I learned WHAT LOVE ACTUALLY IS
Love is unconditional — meaning it had nothing to do with what other people were doing but everything to do with who they were deep down (and everyone has good in them, yes.. everyone). Love is letting go of control (dance in the rain, laugh in the storm). Love is seeing the best version of everyone around you. Love is allowing yourself to be happy. Love is 1 Corinthians 13. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Love is more powerful than trying to change someone. People will literally blossom before your eyes when you truly show them unconditional love.
I can’t change you or anyone, so I will stop trying.
My boyfriend can play video games, my boyfriend is a free agent. He is free to live his life. I chose to be with him because of what a wonderful guy he is and I love him. He will not be perfect and neither will I but I will focus on the greatest aspects of him because those things will shine brighter if I do. If I were to focus on his faults guess what? Those would shine brighter too. Neither of us want that, so our relationship will be one of love and support because that’s what we both desire from this relationship. We want happiness and love to be in the drivers seat and it’s the best possible feeling in the world.
Do you like to be hounded for the things you do wrong? Or do you prefer to be cherished for the wonderful person you are? When someone shows me unconditional love I am my best possible self around them because I want to amplify that feeling they give me and not let them down. I want to be the light in people’s life from now on not the one that points out their wrong doings.
From here on out…I choose love.
I choose happiness. Happiness is feeling good. I choose to feel good always. I will always find the light because when I am my happiest I can spread that to others. Life is meant to be fun and lived and enjoyed. And I intend to do just that. :) Regardless of anyone else. I am the change I wish to see.
See you in the next post.