Living as ‘L’

‘L’ was the name you gave me after one day of Lovette.

Lovette was blur. Lovette was a slow learner. Lovette had a flame of desire to exceed her performance, but you feared the flame would turn into a raging fire, engulfing everyone else — including yourself. That’s why you wanted me to be ‘L’.

‘L’ was expected to be always diligent in her work. ‘L’ was expected to perform her tasks as told, with no doubt or questions clouding her mind. ‘L’ was expected to be selfless and help others where she can. ‘L’ was expected to be nothing short of perfection.

And I tried to be ‘L’. So that I could keep you. So that I could earn your admiration. Above all, I sacrificed so much in desperate hopes of earning some respect for Lovette. No matter how tiring it was to put up this endless facade, I did it all for ‘L’.

Or did I do it for Lovette? At some point, my mind got hazier and I eventually lost myself.

Despite the haziness, one thing stood out clearly, a reignited spark within the depths of my mind that illuminated the darkness. It was just waiting for me to grasp the end of the torch stick with firm acceptance and open arms.

I did not like ‘L’. Not because there was something wrong with ‘L’, but I just knew that I loved Lovette more.

And I knew that in order to have Lovette, I needed to leave you, because I knew you would not accept Lovette.