His belief stood strong for us
E flew over on Thursday night. The anticipation in my heart was almost making it leap out of my mouth. Listening to the whirrings of the elevator and staring at the digital screen go “9…8…7”, I almost banged into the door before it opened at the ground floor.
There he was, sitting on the couch. As collected as i could, i walked towards him and into his embrace. As soon as I had his warmth, I melted into it.
Eager to have our own space to claim each other’s warmth long into the night, we sped back to my room and within two statements, we were hugging tightly. I’m quite sure we exchanged alot of words but they’re a blur now. All i could think was how is it even possible that he’s here. He’s indeed here!
Almost like a schizophreniac, as the night lulls on and thoughts start to run, the insecurities ruled my heart and we fell out on the same bed we were hugging 2 hours earlier
I said the impossible — i’d never have imagined I could say the two words “break up”. The insecurities have struck the core of my heart. After he’s done flying into a rage and asking me endless “whys”, which i could only reply “i don’t know”, he wished me well. That i am happy and strong here. That i would take good care of myself. I wept into my pillow silently but the sobs were pouring out faster then i could silence them. He reached a hand over to rub my back. “Hush now”, he said but I could not. I could not imagine being without him. Hurting him, hurting us. After the madness settled, he pulled me into his embrace and i cried again repeating “i don’t wanna leave you”. “Silly, why did you say that then”
It was probably in an impulsive fit, to give my insecurities the victory they’ve been waiting for. But I’m glad E was holding up for me, for us and he wasn’t letting what I was throwing out at him hit him in the core of his heart.
Thank you Lord, for tiding us through the first night…