Published in Gay Mag·Jan 9, 2020Member-onlyLiving TogetherOn communal living and sharing space — Last summer, an article with the astonishing headline — “Seven Chinese girlfriends buy mansion to retire and die together” — went semi-viral, proliferating on my social media timeline like mushrooms popping up overnight. Rather than rely on husbands or other support systems in their old age, the seven women, all…Coliving9 min read
Published in Gay Mag·Nov 27, 2019Member-onlyColumn of LightThoughts on gratitude — For nearly two years, the pinned tweet at the top of my profile has read: “boring and grateful, same as always.” I’d sent it out from a rooftop in Mexico City in February of 2018, imagining my words beaming out into the sky in a rush of brilliant particles. That…Gratitude4 min read
Published in Gay Mag·Apr 24, 2018Member-onlyAbject PermanenceOn sex, metamorphosis, and inconvenient desires — Yesterday I learned that the butterfly obliterates itself before being born again. There is one thing: the caterpillar. And there is another: the chrysalis. And then there is a third, which is the butterfly—a monarch or something else with symmetrical wings. But who knows what happens in the chrysalis? For…Relationships8 min read
Published in Years in Review·Dec 23, 2016the year in truth-tellingI began this year wrapping up Cum Shots, a newsletter I’d started writing June of 2015, because I thought I was in love and it certainly felt like I was and me being in love seemed like a fitting conclusion to the narrative I’d been trying to arrange, in fragments…Rape9 min read
Jul 8, 2016I had a reading scheduled for tonight.My day job is in trauma and anti-violence, so I’m always keeping tabs on what happens to who and where and when and how, and if hate is involved, which it often is. Since starting to work in advocacy, I’ve thought a lot about who I am and when I…Black Lives Matter4 min read
Published in Years in Review·Dec 18, 20152015: A Year in ReviewAt some point over the summer while I was putting an event into the calendar on my phone, I realized that the way Apple does it, an entire year can shrink into the palm of your hand — all twelve months lined up next to each other like dominos. I’d…Year In Review8 min read
Apr 10, 2015GhostsWhat happens when by the time you publish an essay it’s a part of you you can no longer access? — Without looking very closely, you can see a few specters that haunt my work. One, of course, is my mother. Another: depression, bad worm, et cetera. …4 min read
Jan 3, 2014On Crying in Public & Emotional Live-tweetingNobody likes crying in public, especially if you’re crying alone. — Today I was informed of some facts while at a coffee shop that made me cry. I won't tell you what kind of facts they were because you can a) probably infer and b) Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I get paid to write about such things, so more on it…5 min read
Published in Human Parts·Dec 30, 2013This Is a Story“I miss fucking you” is a loose end. “I miss you” is a loose end. To leave is neat; to stop is narratively satisfying. — This story spans almost two years. It might span longer. When I tell this story, I start it like this. My first memory of him is from a drinking game. It wasn’t flattering to anyone: the shouting, the wine, the vomit on the floor. I remember most clearly the way…Heart5 min read
