Stop imagining you or your life will change.

A story. Each year I tell myself that I will give up sweets and go 100% gluten-free. I imagine the process will be like this: the first few weeks will be worse than being water-boarded while listening to Kesha on repeat (thank god ISIS doesn’t know about her). I’ll watch my friends gnaw on fluffy baguettes while trying not to stare overtly at the column of drool connecting my mouth to the table.

But after about 8-12 weeks, some deep shift will take root. My taste-buds will heal. My body will ween itself free. I’ll be strong and shiny and new. The sight of pizza will no longer incite intense, primal, lust. I’ll barely notice the tray of red velvet cupcakes being shoved under my nose (OK placed on the corner table) at the office party. Miracle of miracles! I will transform.

This is dilusional.

I have gone 8 weeks before eating a diet strict as Gwyneth Paltrow’s. And I waited patiently for things to get easier, less tempting. But the thing is, it was just as hard, all the time. It required superhuman vigilance and discipline to maintain this, and after a while it just grew exhausting. So I told myself I could have “just one” pancake… Eighty flapjacks later I was basking in the shame of my failure. Wasn’t I supposed to grow--be past this?

The truth is that we don’t really change that much--and certainly not that quickly. It is naiive to imagine that in 6 months it will be easy to resist something you spent a lifetime enjoying or battling. However, while we cannot change who we are, we can certainly change what we do.

The golden rule of resolution-making is to assume you will be exactly the same person the entire year: you will not feel like working out everyday, you will put-off meditating, you will get lazy with your journal, you will be tempted by cookies. These things will be just as hard for you to do 6 months from now, as they are today. Your future self will be just as busy and life will be just as crazy.

So instead of making resolutions like “workout daily” and banking on yourself “just doing it” (eff off Nike), try taking a look at what has kept you from achieving this in the past. Make specific goals that focus on eliminating these obstacles.

For instance, if you want to workout everyday, make a highly specific resolution designed to tackle your own weaknesses. Lay your workout clothes and charged ipod out the night before--every night. If you’re a procrastinator, don’t give yourself a chance to mentally meddle with your best laid plans. Make a resolution that when the alarm goes off, you are not allowed to do anything--check your phone, check the weather, get a drink, think--that’s right, you are not even allowed to have thoughts--until you are already out the door. It should take you under 4 minutes to wake up, pee, dress, and get your hiney outside.

When it comes to resolutions, studies show that the morning is best--people who work out/meditate/clean first thing in the morning are more likely to stick to their routine--there are less variables that can arise, and willpower is a muscle that suffers fatigue later in the day. However, you don’t have to be a morning person to make this work. Want to do yoga daily? Make a rule that the minute you come home and put your bag down, you have to go straight to your mat and do 30 minutes of light yoga. No thoughts, no distractions, no exceptions. This is the rule. When the bag goes down, you go directly to the mat and begin the preplanned sequence.

If you’re honest in identifying your obstacles, you greatly increase the chances of follow-through. Be specific, realistic, gradual, and honest—these are the qualities of a successful resolution and the secret to changing your habits. Oh, and don’t try to give up chocolate, it’s just not possible.