This is why we fight

This Dec. 6 I will buy flowers.

Just like I did last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. It’s my way of remembering.

December 6 is the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women in Canada. It marks the anniversary of the 1989 Montreal Massacre, where a 25-year-old man entered a college classroom at the École Polytechnique in Montreal armed with a semi-automatic hunting rifle. He separated the female students from the men and lined them up against the wall. “You’re all a bunch of feminists; I hate feminists,” he said before shooting. He killed 14 women and then himself.

He killed women because they were studying engineering. He killed women for daring to enter a male-dominated field, for daring to think they were equal. He killed women because they were women.

The tradition of buying flowers started a few years ago when I was working at a small grocery store. I was planning on going to a candlelight vigil directly after work. One of the last things I did that day was put away the buckets of flowers that stood near the door. Looking at them, I thought about my grandfather’s funeral and how many people sent flowers as a sign of respect.

I plucked a bouquet of roses from the bucket, paid and walked out into the swirling snow. I held them tightly in my gloved hands, listening to speeches calling for change, tears streaming down my face. When the ceremony was over I left the roses by the photos of those women who were murdered that day because they were women.

I’m not sure why buying flowers is so important to me. Partly, it’s a tangible way to mark the day, to pay my respects.

But it’s also more than that. Flowers are an expression of our love and empathy in a difficult time. We send them to show sympathy, love, joy, grief, and sorrow. We send flowers as a way to show recognition — to say “This is important.” “This matters.” “I see you.”

I want the women who died that day to know that I see them. That I remember.

As well as commemorating the lives of those young women, Dec. 6 is a time to reflect on the many instances of gender-based violence, large and small, that women experience every day. It’s a day to remember the women who have been injured or died as a result of domestic violence. To remember the nearly 1,200 missing and murdered indigenous women in this country. To remember the women who have been stalked, harassed, abused and sexually assaulted. It’s a day to renew our commitment to ending sexism and misogyny in all its forms.

It’s a time to band together and fight for change.

So I will buy flowers, and I will grieve. Then I’ll fight. I’ll fight with my anger, my love, my art, my voice, in my job and in my life. I won’t stop fighting.

Because each year in Canada, over 100,000 women are forced to leave their homes due to violence and abuse.

Because most women who are murdered are killed by their husbands, boyfriends or exes.

Because rates of every kind of crime have dropped over the past decade, except for sexual assault.

Because women are 11 times more likely than men to be sexually assaulted, and three times as likely to be stalked.

Because when I point these things out people ask me why I hate men.

Because when I was in high school a bunch of boys followed me and my girlfriend in their car, yelling slurs and threatening us.

Because when I was raped I blamed myself instead of my rapist.

Because every single woman I know has a story like this. Most have more than one.

Because my friend gets death threats for blogging about women’s rights.

Because when my mom tells me to stay safe I don’t know what to say. I don’t know in what corner of the world I am ever truly safe as a woman.

Because it’s not about ethics in games journalism. It’s about misogyny.

Because a teenage boy murdered a girl because she wouldn’t go to prom with him.

Because a man shot up a sorority house because he couldn’t get a date.

Because a man shot up a Planned Parenthood office because he didn’t think women should make choices about their own bodies.

Because it’s 26 years later and women are still being targeted, harassed and murdered by men who hate women.

Because it’s 26 years later and we’re still having this conversation.