There are a few key negative things we have to deal with on the daily. Things that I personally have really struggled with. I write this in the hope that my own struggles will help whoever reads it if they are struggling too.

Stress.

It’s important to understand exactly what stress is, and how it affects us. So let me briefly explain:

Stress is our body’s hormonal response to physical, mental and emotional tension and pressure. The main hormones produced when we are stressed are adrenaline and cortisol. These two vitally important hormones are designed to help us when our body is under stress. Adrenaline increases your heart rate and gives you an energy boost, cortisol also gives you an energy boost by triggering the release of glucose into the bloodstream. This is to give you the strength needed to fight or run like fuck crazy if you need to.

Now, back when we were in the wild, being chased by bees, or killing a big angry moose for dinner, this ‘state’ was necessary. However, we have evolved so passively, that rather than the need for basic survival instinct, we now have pressures like difficulties at work, being bullied, abusive relationships, family drama, mortgages, debt, unemployment, social anxiety... etc.

Our bodies don’t know what to do with this, we can’t exactly run away from things - social obligation and expectations get in the way... and we certainly can’t shoot arrows at our boss when things get tricky at work. So we feel trapped, tense and unhappy. The stress on us is prolonged over time, leading to illness, disease, and sometimes even death.

So essentially, what we need to do is get our bodies back to normal; physically, mentally, and emotionally. By understanding that the way you feel when you are stressed IS something you can control, you can help yourself feel better.

I suffer from long term stress, and I have a lot of anxiety problems that have come from past relationships and events in my life. I have been learning to deal with this recently by confronting the things that cause me stress and figuring out why they cause me unhappiness. More importantly I am training myself to do this in the moment when these things occur.

Confronting these things as they happen utilises those hormones and helps me reduce the level of anxiety I feel towards/about them. It makes me feel stronger, and more in control of my life and my emotions. I am also learning to trust that everything is going to be OK, because looking back on things, everything always does turn out OK. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but it always does, somehow.

Other things that help with stress are the obvious ones, meditation - clearing your mind, exercise - physical release, and most importantly, talking to others about what’s hurting you. Try and do this productively. Understand that there is a difference between whining whilst doing nothing to help yourself and talking through your problems with intent to understand and resolve things. Those close to you will be more willing to listen and help you when you aren’t causing them stress by simply offloading onto them on a regular basis.

Loneliness

Everyone gets lonely sometimes. Maybe your friends have moved away, or you’ve grown apart, or you’ve just broken up with someone. Sometimes being alone isn’t something you can control... or is it?

You can do a few things to help yourself when you feel alone. I am more of an introverted person, so I tend to enjoy my own company. I also enjoy people watching, so visiting a coffee shop is good for me. If you’re not accustomed to being alone, it can be very hard to get used to — it took me a long time. But, it’s a great time for self-reflection, for losing yourself in a book (I’m reading Game of Thrones at the moment and I am seriously loving it), to draw, to write, work out a little, have a bubble bath, spend some time with your dog or your cat - play with them. Maybe go outside and take some photos just because, or go for a drive. Have a cup of tea and read some comics. Everyone is different... use the time to find things out about yourself. Learn to enjoy and love your own company as you would enjoy your best friend’s company.

Funnily enough, doing things on your own has become a bit of a socially ‘weird’ thing to do. My best friend recently wrote a great post on this.

If you’re more of an extrovert, head out and find groups, go to life drawing, yoga, find a hashing club, volunteer somewhere or join a sports team in your local area maybe? There’s a great website called MeetUp which I would highly recommend for finding things to do in your local area. If your current friends suck, go get some new ones!

Sadness

Everyone has bad days. It’s OK to be sad. Don’t ever feel guilty for feeling sad about something. It’s important to take stock of your feelings and let yourself feel when you need to feel. Tell yourself that tomorrow will be better, then go have a cup of tea and have a cuddle with someone you love or your pet. Allow yourself to deal with your emotions.

Illness

You may have a bad cold or have broken your arm, or you may have a chronic illness that often prevents you from doing things that make you happy. It’s very easy to get depressed when you are sick. I currently suffer from three different chronic disorders that I have to work so hard to deal with every day. A good friend of mine recently said to me:

“Your body is the most precious thing you will ever own, you could be poor, have no friends, no job, nowhere to live, but you will always have your body, take care of it as best you can”.

This really resonated with me and was the cherry on top of the proverbial cake with regards to other recent realisations in my life.

I will be 29 years old next month. I have for many years let my illnesses get the better of me and they have been a constant cause of unhappiness - doctors are no help, they often do nothing to treat the cause of your illnesses, and just throw medicine at you to treat the symptoms. It’s important to understand that there are so many things you can do to control your own health. The three things I am currently trying to improve are nutrition/diet, exercise, and most importantly, sleep.

I cannot claim to understand illness and disease that I have never had, some people are fighting cancer, others are in wheelchairs or cannot survive without the aid of others - I can’t even imagine what that’s like. All I can say is what I do know, (and I have been through my fair share of illness and health problems) and what I know is that so much of dealing with sickness is your mental attitude towards it. You absolutely have to stay positive, and believe that you will get better, or can live a much better life than you realise. Some people actually cure themselves by focusing on being positive rather than complaining about their symptoms. I highly recommend you watch The Secret on Netflix (stick with it, even through cheesiness). If you don’t have a Netflix account, you can sign up for a free month.

Debt

This is taken directly from aforementioned film - The Secret.

“Do not focus on debt, for you will only receive more debt. Focus on prosperity and that is what you will receive. Set up a payment plan, then forget about the debt, and focus on being happy.”

My wife and I have a mountain of debt between us from being in school and generally trying to support ourselves, and it’s daunting, but not impossible to defeat. From personal experience, I know that you must not focus on ALL of your debt at once, or you will be debilitated by it. Give yourself smaller goals, focus on one thing at a time, reward yourself for your achievements of reaching milestones. Debt does not have to control you.

The other important thing to remember about debt is that practically everyone has it. Some people have ten times the amount of debt you do. You will be fine.

Success/Failure.

I hate the word failure. I believe that the only true failure is not to even try. If you try, and you don’t succeed, you can either try again until you do, or you can accept that perhaps that it isn’t the path for you. Open your mind to other options, realise your potential and understand that you have control over your life. Those closest to you will love and support you and be proud of you no matter what. Those who judge you and call you a failure or who mock you, are not worth knowing.

Three people who I really admire, and find intensely inspirational, all came from nothing. They were poor and they struggled hard, but they became three of the most influential people in our current time. It really proves that you have the potential to do anything you want, nothing can stand in your way if you truly want it.

1. Steve Jobs
2. J.K Rowling
3. Drew Struzan (Currently on US Netflix)

I highly recommend watching these videos. Seriously. Set aside an afternoon and watch them all. Your life will improve!

Thanks for reading. Have a great day ☺