No, you can’t just fucking press your own juice. Buy the $700 machine. You’ll save the environment

We’ve seen articles on major networks claiming that “pressing your own juice” is equally as good as buying the juicero machine for just $700, so that a wifi-connected machine can press it for you. While this might seem very funny and obvious at face value, in reality, the machine presses the bag in quite a different way, and it is definitely worth your money.

The machine is made with amazing attention to detail. It is designed to press two parallel plates together, very precisely. This way, the whole pack is being slightly pressed, no matter how much juice is still inside. It ensures that all juice will be extracted and even when the bag is almost empty, no juice will be thrown away.

We’re starting to see the environmental problems our old, aggressive consumption habits have caused. Juicero comes to the rescue, and helps us make use of all juice, without wasting any of it.

In an age when we have so much programmed obsolescence, it is nice to see a product that attempts to bring organic juice in an appealing package. Sure, you might claim that organic food is less sustainable than genetically modified crops. It uses more water, pesticides, and work, as well as more land. Yes, we get that, but what about local farmers in Napa valley, who have been farming lemons the old styled way for most of their lives? Do they have to adapt to more efficient genetically modified farming, only so that we can produce enough food for people in Africa? I don’t think so.

Image: African kids waiting to get some rice. Why eat rice when you could have organic, locally grown juice?

Technological advances in farming are only an oppressive force against local organic farmers, who just want to love what earth gives us in its original form and shape.

When it comes to juice pressing at home, however, technology is a liberating tool. Think of all the woman-hours that the washing machine has saved. It allowed women to finally quit washing clothes and join the workforce. Food technology in the house is obviously feminist, and as such, it is by definition, positive. Juicero takes a small step in this fight for gender equality, by liberating people from pressing juice when serving it. Who knows, it could even make men more attracted to pressing their own juice bags, since it now involves Wi-Fi, a screen, and a motorized machine. Only God knows how much progress this machine could inspire when it comes to gender equality.

Image: washing clothes by hand was slow. Pressing juice automatically might catalyze the next feminist revolution.

Besides saving the earth and being a symbol of feminism (female empowerment through gender equality), juicero is an example of technology applied to important, yet solvable, issues. I see many entrepreneurs focusing on useless things like making even faster trains, making cars crash themselves without help from humans, or going to space (as if we were still trying to impress the Russian fake-communists).

Yet, all these ideas are not only unachievable, but useless. Who needs high speed trains in the US when everyone has bought a car already? Also, faster transportation would only allow us to work longer hours at work. And unlike juicero, which saves time for housewives, trains would only let rich (obviously white) tech workers hire Mexicans living across the border. High speed trains would only help the privileged.

Image: high speed trains in China, a symbol of unrestrained capitalist exploitation by a totalitarian fascist state.

Self-driving cars have crashed so many times, I almost need more than two hands to count them. Also, they’re just an evil strategy for Uber to finally be able to fire drivers and keep all profits to themselves. And everyone knows what kind of company it is: not a feminist one. Therefore, self driving technology is not for empowerment, but for growing the privilege of the majority population: white men.

Juicero, on the other hand, is made by a few sweet guys who’re all for organic, locally grown, vegetable juice. To liberate, not to oppress. What’s to dislike about that? Just look at their website and you’ll sense that they’re caring people.

With nothing else left to add, I have to conclude what everyone else is thinking: Juicero is here to stay and help us become a more progressive and tolerant society. Long live technology!

Please check my other articles:

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