YEG

Edmonton International Airport
YEG
A flanneled blonde busker serenades the security foyer.
He is singing a song called The Fort Worth Blues, although when I ask, he says he’s from here.
Here. The place I am also from. The place I am endlessly leaving and coming back to.
Today I am leaving.
And the lullaby tones in the acoustic echo vibrate in my face like a storm of tears.
But I stay quiet and keep it together.
Write in my journal with the cover that says: You Got This!
And my outfit is cute and my Instagram is jammin’ and my inside is sad.
Sad to leave, and sad to still be here.
I wonder if my mom is crying on her drive home. I can feel the conflicted buzzing in her chest — tiny spirited electrons zipping through an underground tunnel between our hearts, relaying messages like “feel this deeply” and “know you are loved”.
We have spent so much time apart we are probably more emotionally stable Without these sparse, charged visits.
Still, we need them.

My family builds and rebuilds their life, their home, their relationships.
A few thousand miles away, I do the same
And in that way, we are together.
Always lifting
Ever striving
Always loving and looking for good comedy.
Every time I come home
I know I was meant to leave
I know, too
I should come back more.