Seriously, let’s talk about “love”
With a very particular approach of a widely spread out idea.

Talking about love can get mushy at times. So, I decided to take a more whimsical approach.
Here we go.
Many people enjoy taking care of flowers. They find the type they like most, buy a vase or the right soil and fertilizers, they learn how to keep the soil humid, how much time to water it and so on. But I don’t equate this much to love.
We’re going to get there.
People “love” pets. Pets require a routine of effort to bathe them, feed them, give them water, clean their little poop (which scales in difficulty depending of the size of the breed), vaccinate them, take them to the vet, and so on…
Let’s think of other examples of things people “love” and take care of. Many people feel really good about keeping their houses clean, organized, with fresh air flowing and keeping insects away. And there are so many more examples of this kind of care and “love” like taking care of equipment, books, collections, etc.
They are all a demand of continuous exercises, activities, actions of care and good treatment. It would be hard to say that the final result for such effort is just for get a retribution or reward on the future.
The truth is, when we care of our belongings, we give them the opportunity to show their best characteristics. If it is a flower, it might spread its scent, brighten in color and grow properly. If that is a home, it might be cozy, peaceful, desirable. Let’s say it’s a dog. We want to see it running, playing with its toys, being nimble and healthy. When those qualities are being freely expressed, it makes usfeel good and reinforces a strong desire to help them permanently shine, without any judgement or regrets on how it should have been or what it could have been.
A solid connection is established on both sides. The beneficiary and that person who bestows the benefit.
I believe it is very much the same when dealing with people caring for people. We create a substantial and trustful relationship with people, with things or with ourselves just doing simple actions that help to bring out the best qualities which are often at first, subtle or hidden.
With small effort we can expand someone’s brightness and vibrancy. This extraordinary characteristic of glowing we can call joy.
Eventually, somebody will just feel good seeing us and vice versa. In time we can know how to put joy into the lives of those we care about until they glow and they show they highest form of their characteristics. And in return they may do the same for the us. The most useful tools we have to make these energies expand are: a simple smile, supporting words, positive actions (not gifts or any fancy things). We are simply creating a human connection.
The irresistible willingness and even desire to bring out the best qualities of people could be the real definition of the word “love”. We do that without any expectation of reward or retribution in return. The effort seems only to make someone else’s best characteristics glow.
However, the word “love” has been worn out over time, suffering a loss of brightness, color and meaning.
We often hear someone saying that he/she loves a cellphone, or a videogame, or a movie, a book or even a piece of cake. We get the metaphor of loving but the sense of this word in this context is selfish instead of altruistic. Some of us have tried hard to raise our own brightness and we usually say that we love things or people that make that true, even in short periods of time. The consequences are the disconnection, the detachment and frailty of the relationship.
The simple manifestation of the selfish love decreases the quality of joy until it becomes opaque. Not rare, we easily change the mild and lukewarm connection for a new one that is flashy. The shine disappears. We opt for something that creates joy on a conveyor belt in a factory. With the artificial flavors added for illusion.
What would happen with the first examples are: the flower would be replace for one that requires less work and will alive for more time on its own; as much as a flower can. The happy little dog would be substituted for a less and less demanding and messy one. The connection established here with the dog is just for company could be achieved by a more docile and sedentary one. If it is a person, he/she is kept close only when it is helpful. And are easily disposed of, and easy to be please without our help.
So, what love can do for me?
That’s a tricky question. Love could be said to be emanating through our actions for others, making it altruistic. We can pursue it, but it won’t come to us unless we are willing to exert it for whoever needs it. When we give love, we are then able to receive it too. Maybe your friends, your relatives, your pets or somebody else you barely notice is making a huge effort to see you shine with your best quality.
It’s not always easy to allow other people to do that for us, which is real love. But the word has become easy to use otherwise, too easy in fact. We are talking about love and joy after all. What is the more positive than that? With time, it can become happiness (another word that suffers loss of meaning).
Edited by Mark Needham