My Two Wolves

Becoming aware of my inner choices

In the course of our lives, we keep memories that transform the way we see things. I remember one parable that, like a seed, grew up in the next years and it is still contributing to evolve my way of thinking. It is well known:

“One evening, an elderly Cherokee told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside people.

He said:

- My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It´s anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, superiority, lies, false pride and ego.

- The other is good. It´s joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The grandson thought about it and then asked his grandfather:

- Which wolf wins?

The old Cherokee simply replied:

- The one that you feed”

This story impacted me because, for the first time, I clearly understood that in these internal conflicts, I´m the one and only responsible for determining the winner. The most well fed wolf prevails. I remember receiving this message like a slap in the face, one that doesn’t really hurt but burns and wakes you up.

I started realizing that, until then, the result of such fights in my mind were random, and I reacted based on the winner. Sometimes the good won and I felt well, sometimes the evil won, causing suffering, which made me fell fear, anger or frustration. Becoming aware of this lack of control got me disturbed, making me feel the need to intervene. As I wanted the good one to prevail, I had to strengthen it, because not nourishing it is enough for the evil one to stand a chance. 
 
This led me to a question: how do we feed our wolves?

Today I would say: through all we read, listen, see and experience. Everything that goes through our five senses is absorbed by our minds in a way. Everything we are exposed to, repeatedly or charged with strong emotions creates marks. Beyond that, repetitions usually build beliefs that guide our perception and consequently, our behavior. 
 
 Since then, my preoccupation with my “food for thought” has grown, as I´m realizing how important it is since birth and how we don´t give it the proper attention. In the beginning of our lives, it´s up to whoever raises us to take care of our mental nutrition. Then we copy others, follow examples of how to be, to think and to behave in general, until we develop maturity and critical sense. However, getting more mature does not mean we automatically get to understand this concept and to understand it still does not guarantees victory to the good wolf, as at this point we already have a “luggage” that strengthened each wolf in different areas of our lives.

I think that´s why we see people around us who we judge to be good-hearted, sometimes showing extreme rage against politics issues, strongly defending revenge in public safety topics, or spilling anger and disrespect against groups other than their own. Despite of their good character, I have been observing their emotional reactions with no pondering. It makes me think about how much energy we spend with things we can´t produce practical results, which end up putting us down. I understand them because this is how I used to act too. However, my internal unbalances have been bothering me, motivating me to look into ways of escaping these vicious cycles.

When I wasn't aware of this concept, my wolves were directly fed by opinions from relatives, friends, colleagues; the news (who got to decide what I should know and believe); films, ads and TV show producers (who got to decide what I should consume and dream of). The entertainment industry sells us emotions in large scale in a similar way of processed food, the ones we deliciously consume without knowing what is made from. You may think it´s harmless, but by maintaining this habit for decades, you will certainly find out whether it was healthy or not. Then you may realize too late that you left your health in the hands of the manufacturers and chance.

The moment I decided which side to strengthen, I realized I had to be more selective and reject information and experiences that would not fit my purpose. I would have to ignore subjects and products that mess up with my emotions and don´t bring practical and positive results to my life. I would have to stop getting into close minded discussions in which people is only interested in impose their truth to others.

It wasn't easy in the beginning because I was accustomed to be reactive. The need to be “right” or change others’ opinions is stronger sometimes, or even the need to participate in meaningless chats only to feel as part of a group. As well as the convenience of consuming flavored canned TV shows after a day of work. It was difficult but the exercise is gradually becoming more natural.

A great advantage is that the mental space previously occupied by unproductive stuff, is now available for me to deliberately fill in with what nourishes the good wolf.

I believe this “intentional feeding” is in fact a training that demands dedication and time. With this practice, I´m learning that the more the things that serves my purpose becomes part of my daily life, the more I become aware of positive things around me. And by collecting more evidence of what is positive, it sums up to my beliefs and changes them for the better.

I´m far from where I intent to get, I still have frequent setbacks and relapses, but anyway, I believe this will be an endless training. Still, with this article, I would like to invite you to think about this personal responsibility, about deciding to feed your wolves lucidly.

Choose, otherwise choices will be made for you.