Be Here Now
I do this thing with my free time: even though I’ve been so looking forward to having it, something inside me PANICS. My mind plays a list of all the ways I could/should use that time to be my best self. But my body is slow to catch up, and my unscheduled brain gravitates to apps and snacks and Netflix.
Meanwhile, a guilt creeps in. She’s quiet, but she shoots these looks that say: “Netflix again huh?”
“Why am I not surprised you didn’t make it to class today?”
“You are behind in the world. Why aren’t you doing anything about it?”
Motivation is important. I have some lofty career goals. I have a lot of artistic, physical, and spiritual work to do, always. But the only thing I really NEED to do in those stuck moments of guilt is allow space for contentment right where I am. Sometimes I make a list in the opposite direction of guilt — a list of everything I love and am grateful for. Sometimes I just have to look at a tree, a wildflower, or a dog to feel the kind of peace I am seeking. Trees and puppies don’t fret over how time is spent — they are happy just to be. Sometimes all it takes is a deep breath, and bam, I remember how dope it is to be alive. The point is, no matter how many jobs to do, how many skills to learn, how many closets to clean there might be, free time can just be free. Don’t let your own voice dictate any should’s or need-to’s except:
BE HERE, NOW. At work, at play, at rest, just be HERE. No matter what you think you didn’t accomplish or still need to do, you are enough in the HERE and NOW. You can structure your days to learn more, create more, do more, but there is no productive function for the voice of your own guilt. Tell yourself you are endlessly improving, because you are. Take away the friction of “I should be doing this, but I’m just going to sit here,” by being in the present, and letting go of every before and after.
I’m sending LOVE to you in the here and now. :)