HELL IS OTHER GODS

The lawyer’s arguments danced a merry gig on the document.

Anubis, Jackal-god, Ultimate Guide of Mortal Souls, Vice-President in charge of the Afterlife Department, was well aware of the overcrowding in the purgatories. But to let a fiend of this magnitude reincarnate after only two thirds of his penance rubbed him the wrong way.

He let his gaze wander over the sandy walls of the room while playing a tattoo on his alabaster desk. At least the swine would be reborn as a platypus. Anubis signed the release.

His door crashed open. If he’d had a heart, it would have stopped.

Then it got worse: the Sheela-Na-Gig walked in. A small moan escaped his lips and he fought the urge to hide under the desk.

As always, the short fertility goddess appeared to have been moulded in bad clay by a clumsy Neanderthal, but today she looked even more dreadful than usual. Tears from her sunken black eyes sullied her elephant skin and her dress… the only qualifier that came to mind was tarpish, yet it still managed to emphasize some of her curves when she sobbed. Hidden behind her was Jupiter, looking sombre.

He found his voice. “Can I help you?”

“Ah-Peku is in hell,” said Jupiter. “We want to get him out.”