Comedic Fiction

Perhaps I Shouldn’t Have Gone to That Meditation Retreat

But it only took me 3 days, instead of 10, to achieve the ultimate goal

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Last year, a suspiciously high number of people and their cousins told me how “amazing” and “life-changing” a 10-day silent meditation retreat is. Although I couldn’t see what was so amazing and life-changing about being bored for 10 days and why I needed to go somewhere simply to shut up, my influenceable mind caved in.

“Hey, maybe this whole meditation retreat thing is worth a shot,” a thought suggested.

“Hey, maybe you’re right,” another thought agreed.

So two thoughts later, I was browsing the Vipassana retreat website. To my surprise, I found an available retreat near my hometown scheduled for next month. I applied, got accepted, and one month later I was en route to see what this hype was about.

If you’ve never been to a Vipassana retreat, let me fill you in on the basics.

The rules are strict during a retreat. You are not allowed to kill, steal, fuck, lie, or take drugs, which, all in all, is harder than it sounds.

Everyone must observe so-called noble silence—no speaking, no eye contact, no body language, no written…