The Biggest Thing going Wrong in Today’s World
Love is earned not given anymore.
When we were kids we used be loved by our parents no matter what we did.
We ran around screaming, threw tantrums, acted out, and did not behave, but somewhere, our parents still found it in them to love us.
That is, until we grew old enough to understand that we should not do that anymore (4–6 years old).
Starting then our parents told us what to do, or else, we got yelled at, felt unimportant and even got timed out.
But what hit the hardest was that they took the love away from us.
Now, they still loved us, we know that now, but as kids we could not grasp that concept.
Instead what happened was that our parents showed us that we needed to earn their love and approval to be value in this world.
As soon as we were able to understand what our parents said they gave us certain standards.
Suddenly, our hand drawings weren’t good enough to go on the fridge anymore, we would get yelled at when we did not behave the way they wanted and we had to sit down, behave and get good grades in school or else…
Then, and only then, did our parents smile, tell us how proud they were and gave us their love directly!
And as we grew up we started to associate their love with happiness.
Every time they approved of us we were happy and the connection formed in our minds that approval meant happiness.
So when we took our first steps into the vast world we tried our best to fit in and be approved.
We started to follow the ideals set by the world in the hopes that this would make others approve of us.
We showed our great grades to our friends, landing their approval, support and respect, making us feel happy and good about ourselves.
We adopted the standard of beauty from the countless commercials in which people were smiling, thinking that if we owned whatever the commercial showed us we’d be happy too.
And we took the advice of the countless successful people that got the approval of so many people, thinking that if we had that too we could be as successful as they were and then be happy.
This society has evolved into a world where we compete for the approval of others because we believe that is what will give us joy and love.
Without being approved by others we will be all alone, will become worthless and will eventually be completely devoid of any love.
And as long as we do not love each other for who we are, regardless of what we have achieved, we will all keep trying to climb higher and higher, never being happy or satisfied.
Love and Happiness should be given for everyone and not something that we need to fight for.
Stop being less than you can be and reach your goals. Send me a message saying “Coaching” to work 1 to 1 with me. Lukas Schwekendiek
Originally published at www.quora.com.