Don’t Allow Yourself to be Undervalued
I work in finance. Every waking hour of my day is filled with numbers, analysis, and most importantly — valuation. Every day, I review the financial statements of companies to determine if they would be a good fit for my clients and their investment objectives. I have seen plenty of companies achieve amazing heights, while others plummeted to the ground. There was one very common theme in those who rose above — They did NOT allow themselves to be undervalued.
2019 has not been very kind to me. I have been forced to endure a lot of change, face a lot of fears that I wasn’t ready for. The monsters in my closet grew scarier, but I quickly realized there was only one hero in the story — myself. No one else was going to solve my problems for me. There was no magical solution that I could buy for $12.99 on Amazon and have one day primed to me. It was going to take a lot of self-reflection, discovery, and nights staring at my ceiling fan, wondering when the circuit board of emotions firing in my brain would slow down even the slightest bit. I’m not here for a pity party. I’m not here to be told I’m “brave” or “strong”. I’m here to share what I learned about self-evaluation.
Self-evaluation is the grading scale that should be used every time someone goes down a path of self-discovery (which quite frankly, should be constant). One of the most important components is simply asking “What is my self-worth”. Many people trying to find themselves will see themselves as worthless. THAT’S OKAY. Everyone starts at zero at some point.
In finance terms, it’s the bottom of a saucer pattern that shows the breakout above the support level. For everyone else, It’s called rock bottom. Once I reached my rock bottom, I began to panic. I began my journey of self-improvement by trying to identify that beautiful peak of the graph, aka the resistance level. As my confidence began to rise back up, I quickly began to realize that just because I thought I was on top of the world, didn’t mean I really was. You see, there IS a maximum for how confident you can be. If you don’t continue to self-evaluate after you feel better, you will never improve. Thus, we come to the conclusion of this entire analogy — that beautiful green dot.
That dot represents the true level of your value. The trade-off “what you do vs. how you’re perceived”. My point here is that there are (hopefully) people in this world with emotional stock in you. This ownership does not have a dollar sign, but it does have a percentage. That percentage is a small amount of ownership in your heart. YES, I’m talking about the people you love. The people you enjoy being around. The people you consider YOUR PEOPLE.
Here’s the important part — make sure those people love you just as much. Make sure you’re meeting at that beautiful green dot. Here are a few ways to test that:
If they died tomorrow, what would they say at your funeral?
I’m in the business of imagining morality, so let’s paint a picture. Your funeral. Grime, I know…but important to think about. Your friends and family gather at the viewing. There’s chatter in the air about the first time you rode a bike and crashed into the Johnsons’ mailbox (thanks mom!), or how you lead the leaderboards in the office Olympics every year. But those people who take up that valuable heart real estate… what are they saying? Are you just the “funny guy” in the group. Or “an old friend from high school”. Do they look like they’re just there because it’s the “right thing to do” or are they regretting the moment they have to leave? Think this one through, you’d be surprised the power your brain and heart truly can have when they work together.
DO they wish the best for you?
The famed philosopher Pythagoras once said, “Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life.” I truly believe that someone cannot be considered your friend if they feel jealousy for your accomplishments. If I see someone succeed, yet I feel jealous, I know where they stand in my cognitive Rolodex. You see, that’s an emotion you can’t control. NO amount of self-help or medium articles can teach you to not feel jealousy. So, I ask you to do this. Next time you publically receive an achievement — look around the room. Who’s running up to give you a hug and who’s clapping in the background. Those avoiding plain sight are just that much closer to stabbing you in the back.
ARE you just there because it’s convenient.
This one is a bit harder to identify. However, it can be the most humbling. Whether it’s someone you’re interested in dating or your newest “best friend”. Take a look at your relationship. Do they really care? Are you their emotional support blanket? Do they ever ask how YOU are doing? If you went radio silent for a week (which I highly suggest every once and a while), would they worry? Would they even notice? Again, this one can sting, but at least you come out the other side knowing what to look for.
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FIND THE GREEN DOT in all of your relationships. Build an amazing group of supportive and loving cohorts. All of this can be echoed in the words of Sarah Gavron, “Surround yourself with people who support you. Find Champions”.
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