It’s OK to Fail

Today I made a mistake.

It was a simple one really. There’s no reason to bore you with the details, but today at work I made a small oversight that slightly inconvenienced others as well as myself. Sure, I love my job and take it seriously, but the level of disruption caused by my error was extremely minute. Therefore, it shouldn’t bother me much if it all. Live and learn, right? So, why do I feel so useless? And why has there been a gnawing in my stomach all day?

Self-esteem is a funny thing. The way you feel about yourself is the most fickle opinion you’ll ever have. Not only will your opinion of yourself constantly change, but often, your opinion will be in direct contrast with itself. I’m sure you know the feeling. It’s extremely disorienting to simultaneously believe that you deserve nothing more than a spot at the bottom of society, yet still view yourself as superior to many of those around you. But I’d wager most, if not all, have had these thoughts.

It’s difficult because both of these ideas can be rationalized and extremely convincing without necessarily negating the other. You know the depths of your personal moral depravity better than anyone else. It’s easy to count all the times you’ve screwed up and hurt other people, intentionally or not. Reflecting on the worst you’ve done in life can create a self-shame spiral more powerful than Katrina.

But on the other hand, no one else fully understands the amount of times you’ve been wronged yourself. Others can’t possibly know what you’ve had to put up with, and maybe you’ve done some wrong things, but you’ve worked extremely hard to do good in the world as well. Certainly people couldn’t have been putting your well-being first very often with as much as you’ve been through. At least not as often as you’ve done for them. It’s just as easy to feel self-righteous and it is to be self-condemning.

So which of these feelings is right? Are you really better than everyone else, or are you actually the worst for even thinking that?

The answer is neither. You have an extraordinary amount of value and talent. You are extremely precious and irreplaceable. And the same is true for every person around you.

You see, the secret is that your worth has nothing to do with you. Your mistakes, your screw-ups, your oversights, your lies, your good deeds, your selfless acts of love, or lack there of: none of these things determine your value. You are inherently valuable beyond belief no matter what you’ve done or haven’t done. Your worth isn’t found in you.

Your worth is found in the sacrifice that was made by Jesus Christ.

Undoubtedly a lot of you are rolling your eyes right now. Some of you scoffing at my last statement may even be followers of Christ. “How could I give such a simple and naive answer to an extremely nuanced problem?” Well, I don’t want to bog everyone down with heavy theology, but I can’t write about self-esteem without stating where my value comes from.

I know that my value as a person isn’t dependent on my actions or even my heart. I am valuable because God created me in His own image, and sent His Son to die for me so that I can be freed from all the awful things that I do.

Because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross all the things that I do that I hate, all the things that I am that I hate, don’t make me any less valuable in the eyes of my God. When God looks at me and my life he doesn’t see my sin and my shame, but instead the perfect life that Jesus lived for me. That is an absolutely incredible gift.

Having knowledge of your value, whether you believe it comes from God or not, is extremely important, but it doesn’t mean you’ll always like yourself. You can know something on an intellectual level, and still feel the complete opposite on an emotional level.

And that’s where I find myself today. Today I was in the middle of doing something I’m good at, made a mistake that inconvenienced others, and suddenly I feel like my value has decreased significantly. I know that’s not true for a variety of reasons, theological and practical, but I still feel the way I do. How can you possibly combat those raw emotions?

Something I like to do when I make a mistake is to go out of my way to do something good as soon as possible. Sometimes that means big gestures of selflessness, but oftentimes it might be volunteering to do the dishes, or running that errand my mom has been meaning to do, or just sending that friend that’s been on my mind a text of encouragement. It doesn’t have to be big, but I like to do something out of the ordinary to remind myself that I’m capable of making a positive impact for others.

For me, when I’m having self-esteem issues, I usually find it hard to remember times when I was helpful or useful to anyone or anything. A friend can easily remind you of the things you’ve done for them, but it always feels like they have to say those things, and the bad you’ve done surely outweighs whatever good they bring up.

I like to take the initiative to remind myself exactly what I’m capable of when it comes to helping other people. I recommend you give it a try next time you’re feeling down. You are more than capable of making difference in people’s lives, and when you’re engaging in that activity, it’s hard to feel useless.

Children 18:3 (a little known punk-rock band that happens to be one of my favs) wrote the lyric “Every choice before you is a challenge to succeed.” For years I took that quote as motivation to always be making the right choice. I would hear those words echoing through my head every time I decided to work out, or eat healthier, or do my homework. I thought that if I wanted success, I always had to make the right choice and avoid failure.

This lyric is still extremely influential in my life, but it inspires me in a very different way now. I’ve come to realize that failure is the only true path towards success. No one ever succeeds on the first try, and being afraid of failing will stop you from learning how to succeed in the future. It’s much better to fail than to simply not try.

Now that I understand that failure paves the road to success, I try my best to wear my failures as badges of valor rather than secrets to be hidden. My failures prove that I’m on the path to future success. I can be proud of the bravery that I showed to step out and try, rather than cower in fear of my own shortcomings, and I can be proud of the progress that I’ve shown to get to this point of failure.

Failure comes in all forms, and it’s never fun. Sometimes it’s major life-altering failure that effects not just you but those around you. And sometimes, it’s a silly mistake like the one I made at work today. There are so many choices in life that we all wish we could take back. But when choices lead to failure, we can take comfort in the fact that those choices are leading us towards success in the future.

“Every choice before you is a challenge to succeed.”

What this quote means to me now is much different than how I originally interpreted it. It still fuels me to strive for success, but now these words also give me comfort in the midst of failure. Failure is inevitable, but the choice that I’m then faced with is whether to get back up and try again or not. This is the choice that will determine my future success.

Next time you’re feeling down on yourself remember a few things. Remember that you have value regardless of what you’ve done or who you are. Remember that you always have the power to impact others’ lives. And remember that failure is the only way to find the road to success.

Raising your self-esteem is still challenging, and everyone has to go through this process again and again. But don’t let the way you feel about yourself, or the way you think others feel about you, stop you from continuing to life your life, take chances, and impact others.

Success could only be a step away.