You Can Laugh At Low Motivation & Failure — Follow These 3 Crucial Pillars
So I went to a seminar last night. And boy…
It clarified a lot. The speaker knew his shit, and I’ll relay the basics right here. So NONE of this is my original content haha. He spoke about self-esteem & self-worth, but mainly on moving toward your goals the CORRECT WAY:
… So it doesn’t feel like a grind
… So you aren’t hard on yourself 24/7
… essentially, so you actually feel happy and excited about daily “work”— whilst succeeding in your goals way faster than normal.
Everyone in the seminar room just wanted him to keep speaking & speaking. The seminar went for hours…
But I’ll summarise it all now — in a simple, easily applicable manner. Apply these tips, and you’ll be far more likely to reach your goals AND thoroughly enjoy the process towards reaching them. Here:
1. Sense of autonomy
What does autonomy mean? It is the freedom from external control or governance. It is free will. 100% independence. Put simply, it is doing something because you truly want to do it, and absolutely for nothing and no-one else.
You can ask yourself whether you are being autonomous or not: “Am I doing this because I have to? Need to? Should do? … or want to?”
“Have … need … should … wants” are all ‘modal verbs’ which express either necessity or possibility. But that doesn’t matter — we have to go deeper.
Guess which one is most ideal…
… “want”, of course.
Pretty obvious right? Good job — your on track! Because this is all about the reason why you’re doing things…
Do you feel like you have to? Not good!
Do you feel like you need to? Bad.
Do you feel like you should? R.I.P.
‘Should’ is the worst. It can be so deceiving. Sometimes we work entirely to fill up a void in us, not a smart idea. Better to find out why we have that void, confront it head on, then focus on doing things because we actually want to do them. (Be aware that there may be massive resistance towards this, I’ve procrastinated heaps regarding this kind of stuff…)
Anyways… In the end, being self aware is the only way to eventually reach autonomy — next time you have a task to do, really, ask yourself if you want to do it.
Maybe you’ll be damn excited to do it — great. Or maybe you’ll feel that you have to, need to, or just should for some reason…
If its the latter — take a step back. Hold off from doing your task, and focus on why you actually DESIRE to do it.
Do this all the time, and you’ll build up a positive relationship with yourself. Make it a habit to focus on your desire to work.
In your internal body — in between your solar plexus and back, feel your emotions. It might be like a desert in there… only filled with a hollow external needs pushing you forward.
But there’s always that oasis, however small it is. Find your true internal desire. Tap into that emotion within you and focus on it. Try to magnify it.
Make this a daily habit when you feel the resistance towards working for your dreams. I’m still trying to focus on this myself, and only still getting a jist of the idea — but its really been helping so far.
No, not family or friends’ support. Though it helps. This is to do with you, yourself, and no-one else.
Acknowledge your wins. Notice your progress. You must see all your wins everywhere! Acknowledge your hard work, it’s crucial…
…because winners keep winning.
High five yourself. Tap yourself on the shoulder. When you feel — notice, key word ‘feel’ — like you’ve won, you’re more motivated to keep winning, and trying hard to win.
You can acknowledge that you got out of bed on time — or even that you just got out of bed.
Or that you made the small, covert decision to eat an avocado instead of unhealthy yoghurt.
Or that you completed your project.
But really, just don’t be afraid to amp up a big a win is. Even if in reality it’s tiny. Celebrate these wins throughout your days, celebrate them throughout your hours.
A few negative word which can screw you over, and which you should become aware about:
“But” — It’s negating the successful action that came first. Acknowledge that first action as a win.
“Should” — it’s a denial of reality and your potential.
On the flip side, “Yet” is a powerful word. It implies you’re still in process. That you’re going to win, just not yet.
And by the way, acknowledging your wins is a BIG path to heightening your self-esteem. Because when win, you feel good…
…and when you feel good, you do good.
As David Deida says “Lean past your edge” & make small steps forward, always challenging yourself a little.
Do it on a daily basis. Make it a habit, make it part of your character and personality to always challenge yourself, and enjoy the challenge.
After all, the obstacle is the way. Follow the highest path of resistance.
However, the two ways to kill your motivation: 1) do something too easy and 2) do something to hard.
Find that balance, something that challenges you, just a tad more, everyday.
Now, to relate back to the first key — having a sense of autonomy.
It’s really important how you maintain the relationship with yourself.
Are you a slave … tyrant … or negotiator …
Slave — “I’m forcing myself to do a task. I’m working long hours, but I don’t really enjoy it. I feel like I’m grinding, it harrdddd work to be successful.”
Tyrant — “When I don’t reach my goals, I criticise myself. I fucking negate aspects of my character. I hate my lazy self. I block out certain emotions in order to hustle harder.”
Negotiator — “I understand myself. I’m aware enough to know that, to achieve my goals, I have to challenge myself, but also reward myself. I level up fast, but in small agreeable ways — so I don’t burn out.”
Obviously, being able to negotiate with yourself is best. It’s being honest with yourself, having an honest, clear understanding of your why. Your sense of autonomy — then being able to challenge yourself in small ways.
Maybe you’ll negotiate yourself into going to the gym: I’m tired, and usually I listen to audiobooks at the gym, but it’s ok just to listen to music as a reward just for going.
That’s it, hope have enough understanding of these ideas to execute on them. Remember this, “Every asshole has an idea. But only kings execute.”
Thanks for reading :) If you have any tips/thoughts on how I can improve my writing, please comment them. I’m eager to hear from you.
Luke Hardy … over & out.