The struggle for kindness.

Do people struggle with them selves as I do with myself?

Life seems to be a constant cycle of self-reflection upon situations where I didn’t quite live up to the standards I have set for myself. I didn’t listen well, I was too opinionated, I said something without really thinking about it…

Probably the biggest challenge for me of living a self reflective life is the constant conversations with myself about the awkward things that I did.

I don’t mind thinking back upon things that I could improve upon, if I don’t quite hit the mark and I can see ways to be better…well I actually enjoy those opportunities to do better.

It’s when I got it wrong, when someone’s feelings were hurt, when I was snarky or worse said one thing and felt something else (so I was dishonest), when I was careless with someone’s emotions…it’s these times that I find the self-reflection can be particularly harrowing. I have the conversation with myself because otherwise I’m at risk of lying to myself about these situations (someone else was as fault…) and pretending there is nothing I can do.

What I can do is feel sad that it happened and be kind to myself. Find forgiveness and examine what it is that I need to examine in order to respond differently next time.

Luke