The 7 P’s of Self-Sabotage
A few years ago I biked up Provo Canyon in Utah. It was autumn and the leaves were gorgeous. I felt incredibly alive. It was just me, the bike and the road. My legs burning, the wind rushing against me, the trees a greenish reddish flame as I screamed back down the canyon. Everything else ceased to exist. I was utterly absorbed in the present activity.
“Nothing is stopping me, but me”
This thought coursed through my mind over and over again. I felt excited about the upcoming months of study, work and goals. My fears, my hesitations, my habits, and all that holds me back could be changed. I could change and it was my choice.
This paradigm wasn’t new to me. I had read about the power to choose many times before. Yet for some reason, I truly understood it, or at least believed it in that moment as I raced down the canyon.
“Nothing is stopping me, but me. Nothing, no one, only me.”
Then I crashed.
I hit a tight corner at high speed. I skidded out, flipped off the bike, punctured the tire and banged myself up. I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. A few seconds earlier I had been riding a golden cloud on top of the world, feeling unstoppable and in complete control. Now I was sprawled in the dirt with a useless bike.
I was right. Nothing could stop me but me. And I did.
The war we wage against ourselves
There are many ways that we bring our progress to a crashing halt. As humans we have an interesting habit of sabotaging ourselves.
To sabotage, by definition, is to deliberately weaken, destroy or disrupt something. In times of war sabotage was widely used to gain advantage by disrupting enemy supply and eliminating key assets. I find it insightful to look at a few synonyms of the word sabotage:
- Destruction
- Disruption
- Subversion
- Treachery
- Treason
- Vandalism
These are strong words. It seems absurd that one would seek to destroy himself. Or that one would consciously vandal herself. But we do it all the time. Here are 7 ways how.
(I am not the creator of the 7 P’s. The credit goes to Paul C. Godfrey, one of my business strategy professors. He taught this in class and it left a lasting impression.)
Pining
To pine is to yearn deeply, to suffer with longing.
Let me tell you a story about Günter (I made up his name, but the story is true).
Günter is from Seebergen, a small village in northern Germany. He had recently finished his apprenticeship but was still unemployed. He had always imagined himself operating a farm. Farms fascinated Günter.
Instead of looking for a job, Günter spent his days immersed in his PlayStation playing a farm simulation. Two years went by as he managed his virtual crops and drove his digital tractors.
One day Günter’s friends dropped by and gave him some much needed counsel.
“Günter, you sit here every day playing farm games dreaming about working on a farm. You live next door to one! GO ask for a job!”
Günter got the job and began working on a real farm. A few days later his friends found Günter back at home playing his PlayStation. “What happened?” they asked.
“I quit. It’s more fun playing the simulation.”
The solution to pinning is to be proactive. Sitting around dreaming and yearning doesn’t cut it. We need to get off our butt, turn off our figurative PlayStation and turn our desires into action.
Procrastinating
Research shows that creatives use procrastination as a catalyst for enhanced performance to create their best work. I’m not talking about that kind of procrastination. If that’s you, rock on. No, I’m talking about constantly being late, missing deadlines, over promising and under delivering. Don’t be that kind of procrastinator.
The solution to procrastination is to be punctual. Set yourself deadlines and stick to them. When you fail to show up on time, although you don’t say it verbally, the message you send others is loud and clear: my time is more important than yours.
Piling on
Do you ever feel like you just have too much going on in your life?
Greg McKeown, in his book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less compares keeping a balanced life to keeping an organized wardrobe.
“Think about what happens to your wardrobe when you never organise it. Does it stay neat and tidy with just those few outfits you love to wear hanging on the rail? Of course not. When you make no conscious effort to keep it organised, the wardrobe becomes cluttered and stuffed with clothes you rarely wear.
In the same way that our wardrobe gets cluttered as clothes we never wear accumulate, so do our lives get cluttered as well-intended commitments and activities we’ve said yes to pile up. Most of these efforts didn’t come with an expiry date. Unless we have a system for purging them, once adopted, they live on in perpetuity.”
The solution to piling on is to be prudent. Choose carefully what you say yes to. One of the greatest skills you can develop is the ability to gracefully say no. For as Greg so masterfully teaches
“If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will.”
Perfecting
We all know a perfectionist. Maybe you are one. There is honour in striving for perfection but it can also be a double edged sword. The obsession for perfection or the fear of imperfection can hinder our progress and learning.
“The most dangerous way we sabotage ourselves is by waiting for the perfect moment to begin. Nothing works perfectly the first time, or the first fifty times. Everything has a learning curve. The beginning is just that — a beginning. Surrender your desire to do it flawlessly on the first try. It’s not possible. Learn to learn. Learn to fail. Learn to learn from failing. And begin today. Begin now. Stop waiting.”
— Vironika Tugaleva
The solution to perfecting is perspective. Know when something is good enough. Do you have something you have been “perfecting” in secret?
Just do it already.
Perching
To perch is to sit on the sideline and watch, hoping and expecting that others will get stuff done. One of the inherent dangers in all teams is the existence of the percher. It is effortless to say “There is no I in team,” but occasionally one’s sense of personal accountability hides behind an ambiguous “We.”
“We need to…”
“Let’s be more…”
Unfortunately, for the percher, saying “we” or “us” is equivalent to saying “someone else but not me.”
The solution to perching is to participate. Get involved. Look inside yourself and feel personally responsible for your commitments, whether they are individual or collective.
Partially preparing
Have you ever partially prepared for something and regretted it?
I have. There is one experience that still stings to think about.
I had made it to the final round of interviews for a job in consulting. But I wasn’t prepared for the final case I would be asked to solve. A few minutes into the interview, the managing partner stopped me and said
“This is the worst interview I have ever seen.”
Speechless, I stared at him. How do you respond to that?
“Luke, you were my favourite candidate. But that was so bad! What happened?”
“I didn’t prepare,” I told him.
Unsurprisingly, I didn’t get the job.
“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”
— Abraham Lincoln
The solution to partially preparing is planning. How often do you sharpen your axe? Imagine what you could achieve with an axe sharpened weekly and daily. At the least you would avoid humiliating experiences like the one I just told.
People pleasing
Two winters ago I decided to return to rugby. Training was fantastic. Winning was euphoric. But what really inspired me was the camaraderie I shared with my team.
When I began training I didn’t calculate how much time division one rugby would cost me. It was a part-time job with the added bonus of crawling into bed late at night with an ice pack. I soon began to realize that other areas of my life were suffering. I was dedicating too much time to rugby. Not to mention, my wife was 6 months pregnant.
Although I had only just began my rugby “career,” it was already time to let it go. I knew that this was the right decision, but I felt scared to tell my coach and my team mates. How could I let them down? I had committed to playing for a year. What would they think of me?
My mind resolute, I went to the next training prepared to announce my departure. But I couldn’t do it.
I trained instead.
This happened for a couple of weeks until I realized that I was seeking to please others instead of doing what was right for me and my family.
The solution to people pleasing is to be purposeful. The pull to please others is strong. It is immediately gratifying, but can also be counter-productive and distracting. When we say yes to please, we are also saying no to something else perhaps even more important. Be purposeful in all that you do.
You are your own agent
When planning sabotage, ruling authorities typically rely on secret agents to gather information and discover weak spots. Be your own agent. Discover your own points of weakness, not to exploit them, but to fortify.
How much more could you achieve if you were not constantly sabotaging yourself?
Any other P’s you can think of?
