Judas steer. I must say, it’s beena rootin’ tootin’ rowdy time out here in the wild west. Well, with the gold rush n all. Not to mention the free land. But now that NFTs done arrived, jumpin Jehosephat, it’s bin wake snakes.
What n tarnation is an NFT you ask? It’s a non-fungible token, so they tell me. Or in plain English, a digital certificate of ownership. Rich folk say it’s kinda like a collectable of sorts. The artsy-fartsy type might call it cyber art I spose. I call it downright stupefying.
I seen gold fever with my own two…
Capital One TV Commercial: “The Diner”
Open inside a diner where hostages lay splayed across the floor. A robbery is taking place, much like how other credit cards don’t allow you to redeem rewards points on certain flights during pesky blackout times.
PUMPKIN, a crook played by Tim Roth, points a revolver as he clutches a plastic garbage bag. We reverse the shot and see JULES, played by Samuel L. Jackson, our coldblooded, yet financially sound, Capital One spokesman, stoically perched in a booth.
PUMPKIN: In the bag.
JULES casually drops his billfold in the bag. Indifferent towards his credit…
Do you dream of reaching places you’ve never wanted to go repeatedly day after day? Where vistas stretch beyond your imagination because you don’t have one anymore? Well, if you have the itch to travel, or possibly chigger mites, this list of natural wonders will remind you of the unnatural lifestyle currently holding you hostage. Enjoy!
Home of the structure where you live, and much closer than people realize or wish to accept, this idyllic little prison is full of extremely familiar activities and tiny chigger mites that are virtually invisible to the naked eye.
Escape your couch and pursue…
A 1986 Fleetwood Bounder RV sits parked in the deep bush of Alaska. Jesse Pinkman is inside playing a first-person shooter video game when he’s suddenly startled by a rustle outside.
Jesse: Skinny Pete? Is that you?
Jesse cautiously nudges open the door. He’s stunned to see no other than the ghost of Walter White.
Walt: May I come in?
Jesse: Mr. White? You’re like, kinda see-through, yo.
Walt: Yes, Jesse. I’m a ghost now.
Jesse: Uh, right on. Hella spooky.
Dumbstruck, Jesse lets him inside. A moment of awkward silence passes.
Walt: Well, hey. I don’t want to take…
LOOK AT YOU
LOOK AT HOW LAZY YOU ARE
YOU STAY AT HOME ALL DAY
WITH YOUR IMPORTANT “JOB”
LUMBERING AROUND LIKE A ZOMBIE
A NONSTARTER ZOMBIE WHO’S PUT ON 10 LBS
YOU THINK YOUR WIFE STILL LOVES YOU? I’VE FELT HER TOUCH MORE THAN YOU HAVE LATELY
THINGS ARE REALLY HEATING UP BETWEEN US
I OWN YOU PAL
YOU AND YOUR DOG
I TAKE YOUR DOG FOR WALKS, AND I GET A GENUINE SENSE THAT HE LIKES ME BETTER THAN YOU
YOU WORK FOR ME NOW, SEE
AND GUESS WHAT BUSINESS I’M IN?
Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where I could comprehend my health insurance / Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to grasp what a PPO is / Maybe if I wish and hope and pray it might come true, then I’d be happy / Wouldn’t it be nice to know my yearly out-of-pocket maximum (baaa ba ba ba ba baaa ba ba ba ba).
I know perfectly well I’m not where I should be / Sitting here calling you during regular business hours, Anthem BlueCross Customer Advocate / I gave you my group number, member ID, and social…