The Conscious Choice Life Experiment

I’ve always believed that life just can’t be planned out. Fretting about the future is futile. Even when you try to steer your life somewhere, it just takes one little nudge and you can just completely fall off the path — for better or for worse.

I never planned to move to San Francisco after spending 4 of my best years in NYC. I purposefully rejected U.C. Berkeley, which nearly gave me a full scholarship despite being out of state, with the intention of being a New Yorker for long-term. I wanted to establish my roots at NYU and in Manhattan. But, life was all like, nah fuck your plans. I ended up in the Bay Area doing exactly what I could have been doing if I went to Berkeley.

I find that a lot of this random shit happens to me and I kind of enjoy it. I go along for the ride. I absolutely love that life is unpredictable and every time I turn a corner, something is new. I’ve learned to just be spontaneous and not to plan too hard, because it’s rarely worked out the way I wanted it to. Maybe I’m just a horrible planner.

Although this strategy has served me well, it can backfire when bad things happen. You find yourself shaking your fist at the wind, blaming invisible forces. Woe is me, life is unfair stuff. Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do bad things happen to good people?

I want to end this type of dangerous and immature thinking. I recently read a blog about a person who decided to take life into his own hands. He approached every day with the attitude: “I can change things. I can fix things. Everything in my life happens by my choice.” And his life was radically changed in a year.

I’m calling it my “Conscious Choice” life. I’ve been kicked while I’ve been down lately. It’s nice to just curl up into a ball and feel the hurt, but I’m going to do a little experiment. Every day, I’ll wake up knowing that I’ll shape my own day. Nothing can hurt me but me. Everything is my choice and I am the master of my own decisions.

In reality, we really can’t control a good portion of our lives and I recognize that this type of thinking can be dangerous. It can be self-defeating. It can be demoralizing when things don’t go your way. But the empowerment of knowing you have real choice can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I believe it will empower me to push past my present bitterness and allow me to change the way I react to my world.

So starting from tomorrow, I’m going to wake up, look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I have a choice. I can choose to be miserable and lonely, or I can choose to be the best self I can possibly be. Happiness is in my own hands. I encourage you to join me in my Conscious Choice experiment and to see how far you can go mentally.

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