Day 956 of Recovery
Many people say that in recovery, you get your true self back. I agree, but I would also add that I am discovering new parts of myself that I had no idea about. That is the beauty of recovery; not only are we able to stay sober from alcohol and drugs, but we also rediscover our hobbies, passions, and find new ones along the way.
In active addiction, I often emulated my favorite writers who were also alcoholics and addicts. Hunter S. Thompson and Ernest Hemingway continue to be some of my favorite writers, but I no longer wish to be like them. Both of their lives ended tragically when they shot themselves. Deep down inside, I know that I will have the same dismal fate if I make the choice to pick up an addictive substance.
Discovering who you really are can be a daunting process, especially when you’ve spent most of your adult life running away from yourself. As someone who has issues with depression, BPD, anxiety, and low self-esteem, I also struggled with my true identity. I would change my appearance often and lost a substantial amount of weight so I could be ‘attractive’. I longed to fit in but I never accepted my true self.
Personally, I have found that labels are very limiting to me. While I do take pride in being a recovering alcoholic, I am so much more than that. I am not ashamed of having mental illness, but I am not defined by my diagnosis. Human beings are complex, and I find that to be a beautiful thing. While labels can definitely help us with our struggles and help us find the right community, we are so much more than those strict definitions.
At my core, I am an empath that loves to empower and help others because I know what it’s like to struggle alone in the darkness. It may sound corny, but I know that it’s my life goal to help as many people as possible. Facing the darkness of your past and finding help are not easy feats, especially in our society where we are taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I like to think of myself as a healer and an artist as well. I love to create art, whether it be through writing, photography, painting, or drawing. I’m very spiritual as well and I love to learn about the metaphysical realm. I’m an avid reader that loves to learn and I love nature with all of my heart.
The initiation of recovery is often daunting because the unknown is scary. As humans, we find comfort in our routines, even if they have negative consequences. But when you’ve had enough pain, you finally decide that enough is enough and you crave a different way of life, no matter how difficult it may be. My sponsor says that alcohol and drugs are addictive, but so is recovery. I completely agree with her.
I am still discovering new things about myself in my recovery journey. I recently learned that I LOVE to mine for gems and now I consider myself a rockhound. I used to never like The Doors and now they are one of my favorite bands and I find so much inspiration from Jim Morrison. I’m excited to see what the rest of my sober life will reveal to me. It’s all possible because of my recovery.
