Disclaimer, because I think we all need to be reminded sometimes: What works for you may not work for me. What works for me may not work for you. This is not a bashing session or a criticism of anyone who appreciates Betterhelp’s approach, just one voice that wants to join all the other voices to make sure consumers, and people who need help, are as informed as possible. If you have an experience significantly different from mine, please feel free to leave a comment. Discussion is always better.
I hit rock bottom not too long ago. I was struggling to find a job, I had just had my heart broken, I was fighting with my mom, and I felt like all of my friends had abandoned me. I wasn’t sure where my life was headed, where I’d live or how soon I’d be able to find a job. During the days that felt like they were going on endlessly, I was watching a lot of YouTube videos.
I noticed a lot of Youtubers were being sponsored by this new service, Betterhelp, big names like The Gabbie Show, Shane Dawson, and Philip Defranco. A lot of sponsored videos were by people who have been candid about their own struggles with mental health, adding a certain level of legitimacy to their endorsements. Not to mention, these were people who could afford to vet their sponsorships, leading me to assume only the highest quality products and services would get through.
I’m no stranger to therapy. I’m a big believer in it. In fact, I just graduated with a Master of Social Work. I think all of us could benefit from having a dedicated space and time with a professional to vent, explore and find insights about ourselves. In the past, therapy has really helped me find calm in the storm and a deeper understanding of some of my bad habits, negative thoughts and self destructive tendencies.
Considering my circumstances, the financial and logistical limits I was facing, a service like Betterhelp seemed like a good idea. I needed help, support and clarity during a time when I felt like every day I was sinking into a darker and darker place. The same way I grit my teeth through the apprehension and made my first appointment with a therapist like I had done before, I made my way through Betterhelp’s sign up process.
In signing up for Betterhelp, I saw an option for financial aid. I clicked it to see if I could apply. It was surprisingly easy. No verification needed, just an estimate of how much I made—which was nothing at the time. For that I received a 40% discount. The price included unlimited messages with your therapist per week. I answered a few questions about what I was looking for, what my issues were, and what my preferences were in a therapist. Within a couple of days, I was matched with a therapist.
My therapist messaged me first introducing herself via instant message, and asking me what was on my mind. I’m not going to lie: I wasn’t comfortable having this vulnerable, difficult conversation over instant message. I felt more like I was on a dating site than like I was getting therapy. I overthinking, deleting sentences and rewriting them, and harping on my word choice. It took me a long time before I could finally hit “send” on that first message.
After I finally sent that message, I was still uncomfortable. What I love most about in-person therapy is that it’s an hour that’s all about you. It’s that one time when another person is completely dedicated to you and your emotional needs in that moment. They’re not just listening to your words, they’re reading your body language, hearing your intonations, and with the full picture of what you’re expressing, helping you find meaning in what you’re saying. This is how therapy is different from any other relationship in your life: it’s supposed to be one-sided. Even one session of therapy can be incredibly cathartic.
I didn’t feel that from sending an instant message.
It took a full day for my therapist to get back to me. Each therapist has a schedule. They’re available that time by instant message and phone. You can schedule an appointment for a phone session, and message them at any time. If you send a message outside of their usual hours, you should expect to get a message in their next available hours. So it’s not unusual that I had to wait for a message back.
But I can imagine that each therapist has multiple clients at a time. Your message may not be instantly read or returned even if it is during their schedule. A lot of my experience with this therapist was waiting for the next message.
And this is what I didn’t like about Betterhelp: the process felt inauthentic, contrived, and impersonal. It felt like a barrage of questions, and typing an answer out each time felt like dry mental labor. I was hoping the therapist would suggest discussing further over the phone. We’d never had a conversation about how the process typically works, so I wasn’t sure if it was something I could ask for.
It wasn’t that hour of dedicated time to look forward to each week or every other week. It was reading the notification that my therapist had messaged me, me groaning, and then having to take time to type out another message, overthinking about my wording, and waiting for another notification. I was waiting for the good stuff to happen. It never did.
After two weeks I got a message from Betterhelp, apologizing. The therapist I’d been assigned to wasn’t responding in the appropriate amount of time and they were assigning me a new therapist and refunding a week’s worth of payments. Not being super invested in the process, I hadn’t noticed, but I welcomed the change, thinking the dynamic might be better with another person.
With my second therapist, I decided to be more proactive. I asked if a phone session would be possible, since the messaging wasn’t working for me that well. She said she would be happy to set that up, and proceeded to ask me what was going on.
Again with the typing. My previous messages had been deleted, otherwise, I would have copy pasted that whole introduction.
I figured the initial introductory process would happen over message, and once things got deeper, we could enter a phone conversation. For another two weeks, the instant messaging resumed. This therapist was a little more immediately responsive. If I didn’t answer her message right away, she would follow up with a “?”
To be honest, this is what really put me off. That “?”
It felt aggressive, demanding. It felt confrontational. Maybe it wasn’t meant that way, but that was the inherent flaw of this process. It could have been a concerned “?” or an inquisitive “?” or a gentle reminder “?” But in my vulnerable place, my self doubt, my unraveling, that ambiguous question mark didn’t feel right. It felt like I was falling short in this process, like I wasn’t doing it right. Like I owed my therapist something, when really, all you ever owe your therapist is their fee. The rest is up to you. This didn’t feel like that one-sided dedication that therapy is supposed to be.
It wasn’t getting me anywhere. I was frustrated.
I signed into my bank account and saw an automatic charge for another month of service. There was no courtesy warning via email, just an automatic charge. Something I likely agreed to in the initial sign up. It was for the full amount, without the financial aid. This was my final straw. After a few emails with customer service, and a few more “?” messages from my therapist, I was processed a refund and quit Betterhelp.
Here are my issues with Betterhelp:
- The instant messaging throughout the week is not a dedicated hour of time that a lot of us need to really open up and get comfortable and vulnerable.
- This may be due to the fact that this is a newer technology, but the conventions are up in the air as to what you can and can’t expect from your therapist, like that phone conversation I was waiting for. In conventional therapy (when it’s quality therapy, that is), there is a constant boundary setting process with the therapist that helps ascertain what you should and shouldn’t be expecting.
- Automatic account withdrawals are industry standard for a lot of services. But I believe the conventions should be different for a service like therapy. I found this practice exploitive when done without a courtesy warning, especially if the amount is going to be different than what was originally agreed to. Again, which conventional therapy, this is typically a conversation that happens frequently to make sure the therapist and client are on the same page.
- I don’t think Betterhelp is a high quality service, but the marketing for it is everywhere. I think the choice to have influencers who have been outspoken about mental health be ambassadors for Betterhelp is a deliberate choice to tap into an audience that is particularly vulnerable. In addition to YouTube sponsorships, you might see Betterhelp on Instagram as well—seeing them led me to wonder if there was information collected about me that identified me as someone going through a tough time. Overall, it feels like a company is tapping into a vulnerable population to sell a questionable service.
Overall, the customer service aspect of Betterhelp was good—I was responded to right away. But unfortunately, I didn’t get what I needed from this process. I know that a lot of therapists in private practice do utilize internet-based services to provide therapy over the phone or over webcam — when done right, I believe this can be incredibly powerful for its ability to increase accessibility and reduce overall costs. But from my experience, I can’t recommend Betterhelp.
Have you used Betterhelp? What did you think?