Ticking Away
Do you ever feel that you’re doing the same thing over and over again, and you grow tired and restless?
Lately I feel drained of my schedule. It hasn’t quite changed or anything in honesty, but I guess I feel that the constant needs and requirements of my job are growing more and more relentless.
I think over time it was just a question of value and appreciation. Something that I no longer felt in my workplace. I mentioned these two core morales in a previous piece I’ve done, and I guess it doesn’t surprise one to know that once value and appreciation is lost, then that’s where the problem begins.
As I grow older in life I’m learning that value and appreciation is something that needs to be applied to everything. Not just in relationships, but in even the material things that we buy. If there is no value and appreciation then where does it all end up? Think of buying a new toy or a new piece of clothing. At first we are so fascinated, so struck by the newfound object that we just purchased, but over time we lose value and appreciation. That new toy or new piece of clothing ends up sitting in the back of a closet somewhere.
So as I’m sitting in this little coffee shop on my day off I’m left pondering about what I want, and about why I have this negative bout of energy hovering over me. I’d like to think that I’m a decent human being. I believe that I am dedicated to my work and to the people in my life. I try my best to do good in the world even if it isn’t the right time or practical for me to. I try to offer more than I receive because I do like to think that like in the Good Place, we are weighed on the good and bad we’ve done.
As I grow older I’m also learning that time is not infinite like we’d like to believe. I met someone recently who told me of an unfortunate incident he’d been in, and in honesty he should have died. It was truly miraculous that he is still alive after enduring a collision going 140km/hr. I am thankful that he is still alive because his presence in the world is that much more brightening than if he were to suddenly pass. It’s also not his time to go, but that brings me back to the beginning. Time is not infinite.
And because time is not infinite I ask myself these questions on a daily basis. Where is the value and appreciation? One of the hardest parts about this question is if you know your own value. If you appreciate yourself. If you don’t know your value and worth, then that question of value and appreciation doesn’t exist.
What shocks me is that at one point in time I did not know my own value and worth. But because I am asking myself this question now, I realize that I have grown as a person. I know who I am, what I bring, and I know my worth. I know that I am more than what I currently feel. And I guess the other question to ask is, “So what are you going to do about it?”
In truth, I’m not sure yet. But I know that I am more than what I feel. I know that I don’t need to stay in a place where I am undervalued. I don’t want to watch time pass me as I continuously grow old. I don’t want to blink and suddenly ask where did my life go? I want to be able to say that I’ve truly lived. If I only get to be on earth once and live once, I want to be able to say that I’ve lived my best life. This doesn’t mean that everything should be perfect, happy, and easy. But it means that you won’t let anything or anyone make you feel obsolete. There is more to life, you just need to find it.