Mist See TV Episode Three: Show and Tell

The title of this episode is derived from an anecdotal statement from one of the sick, but TOTALLY DERANGED Gamestop Boys! In the conversation between the TOTAL LOSERS OF THE MALL, THE GAMESTOP BOYS, which logically probably do more business under smaller overhead than say, Brookstone in 2017. Anyway, lies and exaggerations aside, the GAMESTOP BOYS have a discussion wherein one notes that after the death of a grandmother, he asked his own mother if the corpse could be brought in for show and tell. When the other GAMESTOP BRO inquires as to what the response of the mother was, earlier GAMESTOP BRO states, “she said that dead bodies didn’t belong above ground.” Somehow, the only logical conclusion drawn from this conversation is…the only way to find out what is out in the Mist is to play show and tell with the corpses of the hanged Arrowhead Project Agents. This is to say, hey, what happens when you put popcorn in the microwave? YOU GET SCRAMBLED EGGS, BABY! They place the corpses outside in the Mist without witnesses, so ostensibly, even if the bodies had been mutilated by the creatures in the Mist, it would have been their already suspect credulity against that of the vast majority of the occupants of the mall. I assume these GAMESTOP BROS reside just outside the city limits in a small hamlet known locally as “L-ville.” Spoiler Alert: They’re caught, and the consequence? LET’S ESTABLISH THE CODE OF HAMMURABI for without rules we are no better than the animals. That’s fine, but animals kinda eat their own shit and offspring, so…I dunno. There’s also a single Project Arrowhead agent left, but he cops to OFFICERS DON’T TELL PRIVATES ANYTHING, WE’RE JUST TOLD WHERE TO DRIVE. I shit you not, everyone is literally okay with this. Dude, that ate a bullet last week is definitely coming back to fuck fear and drink beer as well as Stone Cold stunning a lot of jamokes. Also, nothing happened to the corpses, which is fine, but alternatively…

Moth back tattoo guy that helped Ms. Raven previously acquire wine tries to save her from the Mist only to be attacked by a MIST WASP. This wasp burrows deep within his ear, and blooms wings through the moth tattoo on his back, which is kinda wild since it ostensibly kills him. So, not only are the wings pointless, but it kind of makes you wonder if the creatures of the Mist adopt the tattoos of the people they attack. If that’s the case, I pleasantly welcome such an attack so I can birth a duplicate of Kurt Russell and Bob Dylan from my arm. In fact, I’d give my left arm for it. Also, flies leave his mouth. I genuinely don’t know why.

Elsewhere in the church, solider, Brian Hunt, DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT HIS PAST WHILE MIA LAMBERT IS DOING WHAT SHE CAN TO OUTRUN HER OWN PAST! So, they’re clearly a match made. I assume that since he told her, “I really need someone to trust right now” with a whole floor of folks above him that are better qualified to fit this totem, she’s definitely going to betray him…maybe even set him on fire, and then stage the body to send polaroids to his wife that makes it look like he was a cheater. Adrian convinces the priest to baptize him so he can steal his keys to free Mia and Brian from the basement, which was a plan hatched by Kevin.

Speaking of which, Kevin finally has a confrontation with Connor over the purported actions of the police officer’s son. While it lands Kevin in the BASEMENT SLAMMER at the most inopportune time, Connor is almost knocked clean out after departing what is to be understood as a deep colon cleanser of a bathroom visit. Man, one second you’ve found relief for the first time in days since the Mist hit, and the next, you’re getting knocked clean out. That’s the kind of thing that kickstarts drinking issues that last years and several marriages.

Finally, back at the mall, we are hit with the conundrum of MAYBE JAY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE POSSIBLE SEXUAL ASSAULT OF ALEX COPELAND. He corners her in a candle store, which is at the very least, witness intimidation. THEN, he tries to convince her that he did nothing wrong by requesting to touch her to prove that he is unwilling to hurt her. She says no repeatedly, and what does he do? Touches her anyway. Fucking guilty. So fucking guilty. Throw the book and the gavel at this rube. Alex’s mother pulls a gun on him later on, and that’s probably a half-measure. Throw the chromosomal make-up of Justin Chatwin and Michael Pitt at the wall, and the puddle at the bottom will be Jay Heisel of the Mist. This kid will make a bad Dragon Ball movie and be as difficult as Michael Pitt on the set of Boardwalk Empire. This all translates to the character of Jay Heisel. Look, I’m not saying he should’ve been shot by Eve, but a moderate-to-heavy pistol whip would largely be viewed as “lit fam.”

Speaking of witness intimidation. SUPER COP Connor also confronts Adrian over the veracity of his statements regarding being the witness to Jay’s attack on Alex. While Connor is unwilling to let Mia go with Kevin to the mall due to being a criminal, he very publicly engages in hardcore witness intimidation with Adrian, which is fairly great. I’m supposed to enforce the law, but I barely passed high school, but hey, fuck it, they gave me a gun.

I hope the Mist is actually just the dank ass smoke from the GAMESTOP BROS’ VAPE RIG. This episode gets an appropriate 67/418 out of a possible 69/420.