Where to start…

The TL:DR- Hey! My husband started letting me sleep with other guys! Want to hear?

There’s no non-awkward way to address it. There is no way to make me seem normal because I’m not. I never was. That being said, I’ve come to find that being “normal” is highly overrated.

I’m a married mother rapidly heading toward her mid-30’s. I have spent a great deal of my life doing what others had firmly impressed upon me as “just how it is” and have come to regret it in many ways. My parents were (and are, who am I kidding) very firm in their beliefs and big on impressing upon my sibling and I exactly how they expected us to live our lives. This is somewhat interesting when you look at it, as they were very big on “do as I say and not as I do” to the point of being swingers who told both of us quite frequently that we were expected to wait until marriage for sex. Shockingly that didn’t work on me, but I did make it to marriage having only had actual intercourse with the guy I did marry so I suppose mission accomplished in the end. In any case, my sex life was pretty repressed right from the start even with me “breaking the rules” so-to-speak.

I need to emphasize here that I do not regret marrying my husband. In fact, he has been the one big pillar of support I have had in the 15 years we have been together now. This has been especially true over the last five years where I have dealt with chronic illness, had multiple children, finished losing over 100 pounds, and moved across the country. He has always been my brick, supporting whatever choices I made and frequently encouraging me to push my boundaries. In fact, that is where this blog comes into play.

Having lost nearly half my body weight, I’ve only recently come into being really comfortable in my skin. I was always a chubby kid. Then I got fat. Then I got really fat. But now I’m in a new state, in the best shape of my life, and really acting like a new person. I stopped hiding and started showing off a little. My husband had always made jokes about me and other men, usually in a self-depreciating manner about feeling bad that he was the only guy I’d been with. I never took him seriously, and as someone who grew up with an unfaithful father really held monogamy above all else in a relationship. However, I was suddenly in a new world, one where I felt good about myself and the newfound attention I got from outsiders, and for some reason it felt like my husband was getting a bit more persistent in his comments. At first I thought it was insecurity and that he wasn’t feeling comfortable with how much attention I was getting. It wasn’t until I opened my mind a little (ok, until the prospect of another man opened it) that I realized he was serious. That he wanted me to, not just for me but for us. Since that point, man have things changed, especially our relationship. Of course we are married with children so we still fight like any normal humans, but in the bedroom…

So these are my stories. I’m a grown woman going through what most people handle in their teen years, and I’m loving it. Live vicariously if it makes you happy. I just want to talk.

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