I wake up in the morning and I have a drink of water. No food. Just a drink of water. That’s strange isn’t it? Water? Clear beverage that doesn’t get you drunk or like, feel good. Or some shit.

I remember when I was a boy my dad used to buy me water. I was always envious of the other children, you know drinking like orange juice, or milk, or soda. But my dad wouldn’t buy me any of those other uh beverages. Just water. And he paid for the water too. Working long hours at the race track so he could provide water for us sprouts. I’ll never forget the time I had my first taste of something other than water, it was uh, Kool-Aid. Fruit punch yea know? I’d sneak out of my room at night and go into my dads stash of Kool-Aid packets. Which is sugar that you mix into water.

(Comedian stops talking and reaches for glass of water on nearby stool)

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