The Nutty Professor The Klumps Fart Scene

by Andy Heck Boyd

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Transcribed

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You know Sherman, I think I do remember hearing something on TV about colon cleansing, they say everyone should have one, I’m thinking of getting me an appointment and go down and get my colon cleansed thoroughly.

You want your colon cleansed? Fine I’m going to clean mine. (lifts butt cheek in chair, tilts head, grins and flatulates loudly) Now my colon is clean! I’m talking squeaky clean!

(Moms mouth drops, apalled.)

(Grandson sitting next to her throws his head back and laughs.)

Sherman is wearing a red bow-tie. A brown jacket and striped shirt. Sherman looks appalled as well, looking around the table. Embarassed.

You need to stop breaking gas, don’t break gas and destroy our meal.

Don’t tell me to stop, you the one that brought up colon cleansing and all that mess.

(Grandson still laughing, after taking a bite of a sandwich.)

I did not say anything about breaking gas, I said I was going to get my colon cleaned.

I know, don’t talk about putting tubes in someones ass if I can’t break wind.

(Grandson still throwing his head back, laughing hysterically.)

I didn’t say nothing about putting no holes up anybodys ass to clean it I said-

Well what do you think a colonic is? You think it runs the air hose by the car wash?

(Grandson choking.)

I will do what I want to do at this table. Case and point. (Flatulates loudly.)

Who then called my name?

Yeah, I called you if your name is, (flatulates).

(Throws head back laughing.)

(Grandmother holds up steak knife.)

Teach you sodomy. (holds up steak knife with both hands.) I tuck this between the crack of your ass. (Shows her son-in-law the steak knife, and a serious look on her face.)

You know I can go all night. (Flatulates.)

(Grandson laughing.)

Go on fart. Fart! I hope you fart till your asshole falls out.

(Grandson laughing hysterically.

(Father flatulates loudly.

(Son Number Two, throws his head back and laughs loudly.)

(Sherman holds his nose shut.)

(Grandson lifts his elbows and flatulates loudly.)

Oh, my baby too! (She lifts her hands up in amazement.)

(Father flatulates loudly.)

Ah, see what you made me do? God damn it I messed up my pants. (Father gets up from table holding the seat of his pants as he walks to the bathroom.)