Friday Fall Asleepies

Our autism journey

Two o’clock came too early. Owen’s little body restless to the tune of the shakes and flops. He got in bed at some point with me and then insert ‘broken record’ here. These are the nights I question everything. Why is his body struggling. Why is sleep gone for the night. Where is the function button I can push when I wake up, oh wait I’m awake. The stimming is strong today. I don’t think, at this point he owns a shirt that doesn’t have holes in the front of it from the chewing he does. The comfort comes from these motions. I have tried so many chewies but none seem to have the calming effect that chewing on his shirt provides. The excitement in his laughter keeps me smiling behind tired, teared eyes. I watch him as he looks at the videos on his tablet. I wish I could read behind his eyes, looking for what brings him comfort and pain, solace and sadness, humor and understanding. The emotions are coming. The how to use them part is still being developed. Mine are all over the map too. I’m always trying to understand the ebb and flow of his brain, hoping to find peace and a pattern for his emotions, and praying that I can help guide his way. There are many parts to this thing called life, it’s not always as straightforward as we think it is, but through love, compassion and understanding we can move mountains. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

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