Optional Tuesday
Our autism journey

Giving up is not an option. Rolling on the floor, crying, trying to make myself into a ball is. But that’s also not happening today, even as much as I want it to. Owen has screamed off, and on since we walked through our door tonight. There are the happy screams, the anxiety ridden, and the mad ones. I’m sure there are more that I haven’t distinguished yet. They all carry an emotional toll for both of us. I had to go to the bathroom when we came home. Nope, nada, this is not an option. What I am supposed to do is immediately start dinner, and change my clothes. This became the routine before I even realized this was going to be routine. So now to break routine. When I do I’m greeted with things flying around our house, and screams that would make any horror film enthusiast melt. Routine is what we thrive on, but the slightest change in routine throws Owen off completely. I’m trying to branch out on the things we do. I’m trying to make him understand that we can vary what we do when we get home. But I still have a hard time convincing Owen that I can walk into my bedroom, or carry a load of laundry without sending him into a huge meltdown, so all of this has to be introduced with a calm, smiling, happy, face that I can’t always provide, but have to, so we will get the results we need. You don’t even know you are walking into a wall until you smack it so hard your head is spinning. There is no instruction manual for all of this. There are things we all like to do when we come home. It’s our set of rules that govern us. Maybe you put your keys on the table, always take your shoes off in the same place, or turn the TV on. Without even thinking about it we have routine. But for Owen, it’s the way he learns what happens next, it’s his comfort zone. I realized that I screamed “don’t scream at me”. That wall I walked into turned to brick. Keeping my emotions in check is one of the hardest things I have had to learn. Owen is directly connected to my emotions; with anyone that connected, they know which strings to pull, and which buttons to push, but for him it is also harder, because of his communication skills. Today I’m learning, as much as Owen is growing, and making connections. We’ve laughed a lot tonight, I needed it. I love that I can make him laugh, I love that he can make me laugh. It truly calms the soul. Find your laughter, share your smile, and follow your dreams. Start today. Smiles to all and donut daze!
