Thank You Thursday

Our autism journey

Lynn Browder
Sep 6, 2018 · 4 min read

Round two of shoes, or at least a second pair. The introduction has begun. I talked to Owen about getting more shoes. I explained mommy wears more than one pair, and that he can too. He used to wear more than one pair at a time, but somewhere along the way it got very difficult for him. I told him mommy was going to buy him a new pair, last night the shoes came home with us. I showed him the box, and put it in the middle of the floor. I talked to him about them when he woke up this morning. He quickly stated, “get in bed”. I try to figure out if these type of answers are a coping mechanism, or he can’t process a different answer. And maybe each time it is a different for him. I didn’t even attempt to put them on him this morning. When we got home I told him again that I got him a new pair of shoes. A little while later I had him bring the box to me. This in itself was difficult for Owen. He is still learning to follow directions. I sat on the couch, pointing to the box. I asked him to bring it to me. He doesn’t understand pointing. He can’t follow where that invisible line is that the point belongs to. He brought me everything around the box. This is the part where I have to breathe. It frustrates Owen for me to keep saying bring me the box, pointing an imaginary line to something, but yet he has to learn, and I have to teach him every single step. I told him we would get the box together. I showed him that I was still pointing to it, and I said, “that’s the box mommy wants”. He brought it to me, as I was sitting back down. He wanted to go back to what he was doing, and really I did too. Shoes, this is all emotional. My son is six, I have to explain every detail to him. I have to explain to him that I’m pointing as part of the instructions to pick something up. This is my baby. I showed him what was inside the box. I tried to make a game of it. I said, these are your new shoes. I pointed to the main color on the shoes, asking him what color it was. Trying desperately to keep him calm through the process. He said, “orange”. Score, I thought. I moved on to the next color. He said, “black”. I thought about debating with him, it’s more of a grey, but I said that’s right. I then handed him the shoes, and asked him to put them on the shelf with his other shoes. He did. There was no fuss, no crying, not throwing, and no meltdown, for either one of us, at that point. So, no more shoe talk for us tonight. I will debate the big debate of trying them on him for school tomorrow. Now here is the emotional rollercoaster ride I have; I put shoes on his feet, and he can’t tell me if they hurt. He has never told me if they are too tight, or uncomfortable, or if his toes can’t wiggle in them the way he likes them to. He can’t tell me any of these things. I suppose if they really hurt him maybe he would cry, maybe, but he doesn’t cry like that. He has to be in serious pain, or emotional distress before he cries. I can’t take him to the shoe store, have him try on five pairs of shoes, and ask him which one fits the best. I try to pay attention to his feet after he has worn them the first time, to see if they leave marks. The sock saga is the same for me; wondering if in my haste to put his socks, and shoes on if I get the seam in the right place for him. He never complains, or winces. The overthinker thinks again. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. Every day there is growth, there is progress, and today, like all of the days to come we will keep moving forward. Today was a victory, no crying over shoes; for one of us, I may have shed a tear, or two. Cherish the victories, no matter how big, or small they are. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Lynn Browder

I am on a mission to spread autism awareness, compassion, love and understanding. I have a five year old son, Owen who has autism. Love music and comedy.

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