The Banana
52 Week Writing Challenge
What can I say, this used to be Owen’s favorite food, ever, the banana. And then along came autism, although I know autism was always there, the banana is a clear indication to me how hard things can be for my baby.
He loved the banana, loved it. He would walk around carrying one, eating it right from the peel. And then one day he saw a banana and screamed. It was like it scared him. He screamed, and screamed some more. A bunch of bananas had no affect on him, but a single banana set Owen into meltdown mode. Three years later this is still the case.
Now the story goes, what happens at home doesn’t always happen other places. He will let other people eat bananas, sometimes, but not me. The rules are governed by who, not what, and sometimes by where, not who, and sometimes it’s just because.
The thing about the banana is Owen loves them, loves the flavor, hates the look. Three years I’ve tried to help him through this, three years I’ve been unsuccessful. If he sees the banana and I try to give him a bite he gags, complete full force gag. He is my sensory baby in every sense. Sights, smells, sounds all affect him. The look of the banana causes him great distress.
Through the years I have tried ways to help him. I have gotten books about bananas, shown him videos, fake bananas, and even a stuffed monkey holding a banana. None of these things have given him any comfort or calm. If he didn’t like the flavor of the banana I wouldn’t even try to show him it is fine to eat.
My quest to help Owen with the banana is always there. I had a couple of bananas, so I started eating one. I hadn’t done this in a long time, but thought I would try. I showed it to him, told him I was going to eat it, and he immediately went into meltdown mode. Immediately. He threw his cup across the room, knocked one of his chairs over, started screaming, and covering his ears, all from me showing and talking about the banana. Imagine the world through Owen’s eyes. One banana can tilt his world quicker than anything else. Now imagine this at a restaurant or even at the park. The world is already daunting to him and then add on a banana.
What I did next was hide the banana, distract Owen with his tablet, and fix him breakfast. His breakfast was waffles squished with banana in all the little holes. I sat it down in front of him and he started eating. He took a bite and said “yum”. He repeated this as he ate many bites. I know Owen likes bananas, in fact I know he loves them, but the sight of the banana triggers something for him. I don’t know what is is, I don’t know how to help him with it, and I don’t know if it will ever change, I do know he loves the taste of bananas when he doesn’t see them.
Food is a big deal for kids with sensory issues. The smell, the sight, the sound they make when they eat them, the textures, the color, the shape, and so many other things determine why they do or don’t like something. This is hard on parents to find foods their children will eat. To find a diet that works for their child can take a lot of moments with thrown food and crying fits.
The rule I started with Owen was he has to take a bite of everything. This in itself is a challenge. He can clamp his mouth so tight there is nothing getting in, but the rule stands. We wait. For dinner I gave him green beans, boiled potatoes, and ham. All things he likes, all things he has eaten a lot of, but it had been a few months since he had them in this manner. He wouldn’t eat any of it himself. He had potatoes the day before, but they were in hash brown form, so he immediately spit out the potatoes when I gave him a bite. He repeated “take a bite” to me over and over, and then made a mashing motion with his mouth, like he was eating hurriedly. I waited. I tried another bite, same reaction, he spit it out. We repeated this over the next five minutes. He finally ate a tiny bite of each thing, and then wanted more potatoes. I know he loves potatoes, but it is all about textures. This was a different style of potato, that in itself makes a huge difference when he is eating.
Owen is five, at five there are a lot of kids that have very restrictive diets, add on autism and sensory processing disorder, and you have a lot of obstacles to overcome when it comes to food choices. Owen is gluten and dairy free, and mostly sugar free. This also adds another dimension on to our food choices. The key is to keep trying new foods, different styles, different brands, and even at different times of the day.
One of the best pieces of advice I was given early on for Owen, was to always rotate his food. If I gave him chicken today, give him fish tomorrow. Try to find multiple brands of chicken nuggets or other foods he likes, and not to let him see the containers. This advice has been golden, and as much as I follow this rule I can tell you I learned how important it is.
I made Owen dinner one night from a different brand of chicken nuggets I found. I put them on his table in front of him and I started to walk away. For some reason I turned back to look at him and I see him picking up his plate about to throw it off the table. I yelled “stop that’s chicken nuggets” and he set the plate down. He could tell they weren’t any of the other brands I had used with him, I had been rotating four into the mix before I found the new kind, and he still was about to throw them. I said to him, they are chicken nuggets and he took a bite of one. He then ate everything on his plate.
Food is real and full of raw emotions to Owen. And as a parent it can get me too. We want our children to eat healthy, we want them to eat in general, but sometimes the laws of being five with severe autism and sensory processing disorder make food daunting to all. Owen actually does amazing with food, especially with all things considered. It is as much about me learning how to deal with all of this, as it is about him eating.
I think about the banana and all that it means. I want Owen to be able to eat it without any restrictions or cause for concern, but until I can figure out how to make it not so daunting for him, I will continue to squish it in his food for him to enjoy. Life and food don’t always go according to plan, but one step at a time, one food at a time, and we will keep moving forward.
Autism wasn’t important to me, until autism was important to me.
