To The Sunday We Will Go

Use your words I say to Owen. Then he yells a little louder, in a happy tone. His words some days feel indistinguishable. Today is one of those days. He’s in a great mood, listening pretty well to my instructions and interactions, but his words are all echos of shattered screams. Two days of serious input have been needed. He is in his body sock once again. I rejoice and ache at the same time. I’m glad he is getting the input he needs, hoping that it is enough for him, and hurting because I wish I could give him everything he needs to feel better. Owen was listening to the alphabet, he comes running to me, and grabs my hand. He wanted me to sign the alphabet for him. He gets so excited when I do it. He will shake his hand with me some days and this makes me very excited. The connections are forming, the learning of new skills is happening, and he is growing by leaps and bounds. I think communication is why I feel alone so much when Owen is sitting right here. I’ve been sick the last couple days, a cough. He hasn’t gotten it, yet, but I can’t explain to him that he needs to stay out of my face. He is starting to understand the word sick, but not enough to understand he can’t get in my face. When he is watching different videos, he will set it up, push play, and run to bury his face in my neck; then off he runs to do it all again. This makes me sad. Not that he can’t get sick from the air in general, or things that I touch, if it is even contagious, but it’s harder when he is right in my face. He’s so happy today, full of so many expressions, but not a lot of words. My expressions and emotions are full too, and the words are not coming. I have tears I’m sparing and prayers that are holding me together today. For the love of Owen I push myself every day. I never imagined the emotions I would hold dear to my heart for a little boy that has autism and the rest of the world that goes through some of the same things we are going through. My heart is with you. Keep walking forward, searching for smiles even in sadness, and remember you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!