Trending Thursday

Our autism journey

The trend is get in bed with me about 4 am. Sometimes it is a little earlier, 2–4 am is the standard now. I don’t even know how to stop it. I don’t even know how it started. I do know my house is loud. Every noise I make before I go to bed can stir him. His room isn’t far from mine. The floorboards creak, the light switches make a snapping noise, the cabinet door hinge squeaks, some of the lights make a humming noise, and the list goes on. Sit in your house for five minutes and listen to all the noises that your house makes. These sounds are amplified for Owen. A few days ago Owen started to go into meltdown mode, because I was putting on my makeup. He saw me near the bathroom drawers and came rushing in, slamming the drawers shut, immediately screaming and crying. He thought I was going to blow dry my hair. I have not used my hairdryer in more than 6 months. And that was one night when he was sleeping, and it woke him so I had to stop, and I haven’t done it since. There is nothing easy about autism, nothing. My emotions change every minute. The sadness sits knowing that a “simple” act of blowing my hair dry has caused this much panic in my son for years now. People tell me it gets easier, I want to believe them, but as the nights wear on and I see the pain the world can cause him, I try to switch my focus to the joy that he has when all the noises are the ones he wants to hear. Our world is a beautiful place. My son is amazing. As my son shines, I search my strength to see the sunshine and only find the positive things to focus on. Autism wasn’t important to me, until autism was important to me. Life is real and raw. Support each other, love each other and know you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!

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