A few very quick points to this:
- You do not adequately separate out what you think the “argument with merit” is. Given that the “manifesto” that the dudebro at Google published is very heavily skewed towards sexist stereotype, you should be aware that you do leave the impression that you consider the sexist stereotypes to have “merit worth discussion.”
- I think you desperately underestimate just how often we have had the “discussion to refute the bad arguments.” They happen with not just a tiresome, but an actual exhausting frequency. We point out things like http://www.npr.org/sections/money/2014/10/21/357629765/when-women-stopped-coding and the research which demonstrates that women have just as much talent but are discouraged by culture
again
and again
and again
and again
and again
repeat ad infinitum.
Put simply, there comes a point where the fact that we keep having to have these conversations is itself a slap in the face and demonstration that it isn’t about facts at all.
If it were simply about facts, we wouldn’t still be having these conversations every couple of weeks. But it’s like (ironically, given that the Google dudebro studied evolutionary biology) evolutionary biologists having to have “discussions” to debunk creationism constantly. It’s not about facts, for creationists. It’s religious, it’s emotional, that belief in creation serves an emotional need for them, and so facts and evidence must either be disregarded or manipulated to support that belief, as far as the creationists are concerned — and most of the time they don’t even appear conscious that they are approaching it that way. And biologists can and do get fed up with that. Similarly, women trying to point to research are fighting against a tech/geek culture that desperately, emotionally wants to keep women out, but will not admit (and maybe isn’t even aware) that their attitude comes not from fact but from emotional need.
and 3. “Triumph against adversity” is the true American Dream, but it is also a myth for many. It’s wonderful for you that you feel you’ve brought forth great things as a “fuck you” to doubters — and believe me, I know that feeling as well, my own motto is sometimes “the best revenge is living well” — but the simple fact is, money matters. If you do not have the resources to bootstrap yourself, the attitudes which cripple opportunity become more permanently crippling to you, as well. And chances to regain significant lost income are rare, and the consequences of not having quite enough income are becoming more severe, not less.
Putting all the responsibility for overcoming bigoted attitudes on the victims of bigotry, and not instead primarily holding the bigots to account for said bigotry not only perpetuates the problem, it also does many people a disservice. It’s excellent that you are teaching your daughters to defend themselves, but it would also be nice to hold people to account so that your daughters do not need to spend so much time and energy defending themselves, especially when it is from pointless prejudice. It’s somewhat similar to another issue that faces women — it’s great to learn how to defend yourself from sexual assault, but it also needs to become unacceptable for men to feel they are entitled to take what they want or punish a woman for resisting.
One of the things I linked you to is http://valleywag.gawker.com/this-is-why-there-arent-enough-women-in-tech-1221929631. I would actually ask that you read the stories that people submitted there.