I couldn’t take this response seriously when I got to line of “ No, kids and kids personalities are not there out of the box or womb. They are a blank slate and you the parent are the author of what goes on that slate.” — my kids are raised under the same roof with the same rules and what I realized early on was that the same style didn’t work for both because they truly popped out of my womb with unique personalities — first child is SUPER sensitive and breaks down crying if I even raise my voice, second child flares his nose at me like “I could care less that you said NO”. Nope, the universe gives us unique souls to work with and we have to find the ways that work the best (which is why it probably feels so darn frustrating). Glad to hear you had personality twinsies in your home that you could easily transfer discipline tactics to, but that is far from the norm.
The part I CAN agree with you on is that every child should have a healthy dose of respectful fear of their parents because that is what keeps them in line when they start trying to do REALLY stupid things in their teens and 20's… that mindset starts early (age 2+)… even to this day at age 40 I say to myself “Would my Mom be ok with this?” — she was a toughie, but as an adult (and now a parent) I appreciate so much what she sacrificed for us AND that she set up boundaries and accountability. Love does not always equal hugs and kisses and calm (even the zen masters and guru teachers speak to this).