There’s a lot of things that people can discover once they have felt the heartbeats that only loving a person, completely unrelated, can give. Once exposed to the feeling, you want to build up something. To build a relationship. To understand him more. To accept. To involve oneself to his life. To live what he is living, and to walk with him even in silence.
All those things, one must understand why.
However understanding things does not come easy. It’s filled with doubts. Filled with the fear of rejection. The fear of being left behind. The fear of being hurt. The fear of loosing a person who’ve grown to be important.
I think of everything. Of the things that is hurtful. All those negative things mentioned, it’s so hard to imagine the feeling. What more if you are in it? The thought of it triggers sadness.
My friend gave me a quote that helped me think about my fears.
“Life is insecurity. Each movement is a new move into more and more insecurity (of not being secured). One never knows what is going to happen. And it’s beautiful that one never knows. If it were predictable, life would not be worth living. If everything were as you like to be and everything were certain, you would not be a man at all, you would be a machine. Man lives in freedom. Freedom needs insecurity and uncertainty.” — Osho
One can undeniably think and overthink of things. Of the unknown. It’s the fear of not knowing what’s in there. Situations that might result to suffering. No one wants to be hurt — but in order to move forward, in order to discover what you really want, you have to take off. To jump. To make the leap of faith. The one that you are uncertain, the one that you do not know.
You do not know of, but there is a gut feeling that you want to go there. To involve yourself and to see despite not knowing ‘what is’ and ‘what will be’. Why? Because one thing is for sure. You can not return the past. You can only frustratingly feel regret.
Each moment is lived once. Each feeling is felt in the present. The feelings that were felt in the past will help you correct your actions now and will help you decide whether or not you’ll let yourself fall into the unknown of the future.
At the end of the day you only have yourself to decide.
Once the future is involved it becomes complicated. Everything is complicated. The only thing that will help us survive? Probably to man up. Man up and grow up. Accept responsibilities of the consequences of taking the leap of faith. Of being courageous. Of keeping one’s mind intact and strong.
That whatever happens, I won’t blame anything. I just need to understand. And to accept that nothing is easy. Nothing weighs like a feather.
To be able to keep a relationship, I must learn to accept that fears do exist. And to get over it is to face it. It’s hard. Because you are taking care of someone, you are loving a person. And as much as possible, you want to hold on to that person. Because this feeling is precious. It’s a gift. It hones wisdom. It branches out to a lot of emotions. A lot of things that one can discover. An experience that makes you feel alive.