St

I don’t like anything.

I don’t even like half of it. My life’s filled with spaces that’s been patched up by temporary things. And that’s the most frustrating part. I can’t accept the fact that things will be gone. Any time, any day, starting now, starting today.

Even if I want to be positive, sometimes the negativity just consumes me. No one is there to support me, but myself. No one to tell me that I can do things as I can. Probably it will seem that what I worry, what I regard as a problem would be of a pinch to others, but a big thing for me.

I haven’t realized it, probably, that I am emotionally unstable. Very emotionally unstable. If I’m going to look back to my upbringing, sadly, it was rooted back then. I may have kind parents, very kind parents, but at the back of history, something was not right. Something was not taken into consideration.

I think it was too much discipline. Too much of I should be a good kid. I should follow rules. I should do as I was told. Nothing wrong with following the rules, but the counterpart of it? What if I realized I don’t believe in it, and still follow it otherwise? Why aren’t things being explained, why are they happening in such a way? What if I do this, instead of following that?

I’m stuck.

Really stuck.

Now I’ve strayed away from the good thing, I’m left questioning myself. Convincing myself I did not do anything wrong. Beliefs? I’m pretty much on the edge.

Well I know one thing. I’m a good follower.

But I’m not happy with the things I follow. @_@

I’m really stuck.

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