The Shadow Self
After moving to Cambridge, Massachusetts, United States, Sanda and I have always spent time together. All activities are fun if done with her. Sanda is a person who means a lot to me. Her maturity makes me calm in living life. Her open-mindedness allows me to see the world from various sides.
I went to art school in America, while Sanda chose to attend the Military Academy. I had a long debate about her decision to select the Military Academy, but her determination was so strong that other people were helpless in front of her.
The day of farewell came, I had to part with Sanda. My sadness was unbearable; I cried in front of her. I don't know whether Sanda's feelings or I'm overly expressive. Sanda didn't care about my crying; for her, my crying was just a passing wind that was made up to get her attention.
I have an extroverted personality; I like being in a crowd with my friends. However, unlike Sanda, she is a sensitive Introvert who can't get along outside. The things she hates most are crowds and people. I sometimes don't understand her thoughts, but I can learn that there will never be any results in putting hope in humans with Sanda's mindset.
The hatred that Sanda meant was not something like bullying but rather a dislike of meeting someone. According to her, meeting someone can make her depressed because she has to try to interact with that person. However, Sanda is a gentle person inside and full of sensitivity.
"You're in love with her, aren't you?" someone said
"You mean Sanda?" I answered
"Yes, indeed who else can I make a candidate for," they said
"I don't know what love is, but one thing is for sure, I will not let it go."
"Letting go?" they added.
"Yes. I can't let it go, even though there are many differences that we meet all the time." I replied
"What if Sanda loves someone else?" they asked.
"Of course, I will be jealous, but forcing her to love me is also a mistake. I don't want to be loved because of a compulsion; I want a love that comes from the bottom of my heart, not the bottom of a lie." I replied.
The togetherness I often spent with Sanda didn't mean I could be with her forever. But the time we spent together made me realize that Sanda also has a heart for me, even though her rude attitude makes me sad, but Sanda is a shadow of the dark side of me that only certain people know.
Sanda is a part of me.
According to the Big Indonesian Dictionary (KBBI), the meaning of the word sanda is a treasure that is made into guarantee in holding the pawn, which at any time will be redeemed. Another purpose of sanda is me (usually used by old authors).
