RUMINATING OVER THE RUNNER DISSOLVES ONCE THE CHASER RECONNECTS TO SELF
Setting Myself Free on the Twin Flame Journey
TWIN FLAMES
Chasers, especially those who are going through the beginning stages of a Twin Flame Journey, may find this article helpful and hopeful — please let me know your thoughts in the comments section. Much love, missmedieval
I’ve had a breakthrough on my Twin Flame Journey!
After many months of ruminating, obsessing, and grasping to my Divine Masculine’s energy, feeling desperate to get attention through social media accounts, searching for clues, signs — TO ANYTHING — and clinging to the idea that I needed to find an answer to all of this, I have finally begun to release those needy feelings and to let go.
I am finally feeling liberated by this experience that began just over a year ago — or arguably, almost thirty — in what many of we FLAMES call the Twin Flame Journey.
So, does it feel sad?
You may ask.
Was it difficult to toil through the process of letting go?
These are questions that may be pondered by any Chaser — the Divine Feminine — who believes they are on a Twin Flame Journey and may dread the day they finally release attachment to their Runner.
If you have been reading any of my stories, you will see how topsy-turvy this journey can be, and I have done my best to be both sensitive and delicate, honest and transparent, but to write with integrity.
Staying true to myself while going through the painful process of purgation has been a wild ride — especially since, as I’ve come to learn, I was not living authentically as myself beforehand!! But there’s a lot more to the process than I realized when it first began.
THE LOWDOWN FOR THE DIVINE FEMININE
One minute, you wake up to having deep feelings of love for the Runner and find yourself ruminating and fantasizing so badly over them that it disrupts all aspects of your life.
You may notice yourself thinking about them constantly and dreaming about the moment you finally get to reunite with them.
Before you know what’s going on, you may ask yourself:
“Is this love sickness, limerence, have I been cursed?”
It is so unlike you, but you let your mind go into delightful thoughts of pleasure where the focus is solely on you and them in the best way.
Nothing around you can remedy you of that fantasy, and you let yourself get sucked into the thought of that lustful experience — just hoping, praying, and believing that you can make it come to fruition.
They are constantly on your brain, even in moments when you try not to think of them. It is like a car has parked right on top of your head but remains idle and refuses to leave, preventing you from getting any peace.
Pretty soon, dreams of how wonderful it would feel like to be with them take over. You lose control of yourself, which reaffirms the notion that all you have ever wanted and needed in this life was your twin flame.
Oh!!!
How magical it would be to be with that beautiful special person who lights your fire, stirs your every thought, action, and emotion, cracks your heart open so wide that you would never have to fear being alone, insecure, or unsafe in your mind and body like you have with a Karmic, False Flame, or other Soul Family Member ever again.
However, these beautiful moments, though wonderful, are fleeting, and the next thing you know, you feel so much pain inside — feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, blame, self-pity and spite start to erupt.
You cry and ask yourself and the universe,
“Why me??”
Why did this amazing person just appear in your life seemingly out of nowhere?
“Was it all just to tease me? To leave me? To ignore me? Discard me? Block me???”
First, they showed me how easy it could be for us to be together. Our encounters go so smoothly: we talk, laugh, teach, delight, and move each other in ways neither of us have ever experienced — like the way Aristotle describes the perfect way to pleasure an audience in Poetics and Rhetoric, Book II:
Pleasure is a movement, a movement by which the soul as a whole is consciously brought into its normal state of being. (Barnes & Noble Books 2005, Chapter 11, p. 193)
It is like we were meant to meet and to be enlightened, to get a glimpse of how easy it would be to let love flow-in if only with the right person — if only with our twin.
I was captured, and admittedly so.
That “normal” that Aristotle speaks of is what we mistakenly thought we were living with all of the wrong people in the past. That wasn’t normal at all — that was the ego grasping to the misguided perception of our “normal”.
That was attachment and perpetual self-loathing that we had to go through and be taught by other members of our Soul Tribe. We had to go through those Karmic Lessons in order to finally manifest our twin flame and learn that We Are the universe, they are us, and we are I Am.
As described by Alexx Shaw, 2023, in her book titled The Soul Family: A Guide to Karmic Relationships, Soulmates, Soul Tribes, and Twin Flames:
As I AM, we are everything personified, everything that’s ever existed, that hasn’t existed, that will exist, that can’t exist, that does exist. We have to look past the Ego’s sense of duality in order to recognize that we are everything and nothing simultaneously, because since we are the ONLY, there is nothing else.”(p.20)
THE REALIZATION AND THE MOUNTAIN
So then, you start to realize that this union is all about YOU!!
You notice that your twin is so much like you, and that you and they must share the same core frequency. They are funny, sweet, smart, gorgeous, talented, inspiring, creative, encouraging, and supportive.
They are the YOU you’ve always known you are, but were too afraid to expose. The YOU in THEM is being reflected right back at you. They are your mirror. They show you your beauty, talents, and gifts, and simultaneously, your shadows.
But with a snap of a finger, everything turns upside down and falls apart. You find yourself overwhelmed by the intense energy between you and your twin, and so do they. They both compel you and repel you. You feel inhibited and uneasy towards them and even though they’ve cracked open all of your scars and exposed all of your wounds that were hidden inside for many years, you still want to be near them..but the anxiety, guilt, and shame gets to be too much. The Ego fights against what it tries to protect — Itself.
You know it, and your twin knows it, and soon, the tower crumbles, leaving you both at the bottom with a mountain of dust and broken bits to clean up and clear out.
But through the process of cleaning, clearing, and purging this thing out — that catharsis — that suddenly came into your life and changed it forever without permission, which has shown you no mercy, you realize that mountain is YOU. And that’s what you and your twin flame are both left with during separation.
THE JOURNEY TO HEALING
Whilst the middle of that painful process of catharsis, which is, hence, during separation from your twin, all of the sludge and repressed emotions that you’ve been burying for years begin to surface, and you finally, eventually with so much deep rooting through the heavy weight carried by your innermost self, get past the process of purgation, simply because you persisted through it.
Soon, you feel that weight lifted. That burden you thought you had to carry through life for yourself and for everyone else is now purged.
Yes. It happens. Night after night after night living the torture of the Dark Night of the Soul, aka Ego Degradation, Ego Death, the build-up of pressure subsides and you feel lighter, more balanced, happier, free.
The obsession for answers, an outcome, the need to receive validation from your twin and others around you ceases.
It is like the veil has been lifted from the bride, and the bride is finally able to see, with clear vision, what her future holds.
But the marriage is not with you and your twin or anyone else. The marriage is union and is with the Self.
It is complete, one hundred percent, uninhibited, freeform expression of energy, autonomy, and the emergence of the authentic, conscious self.
It is an Awakening to yourself as I AM— which is EVERYTHING — it is you, the Universe, your Twin Flame, and every other energy that opens you up and makes you feel alive, free and able to breathe — and that, my friends and Flames, will begin the end of your suffering.
Thank you for your time and attention. Wishing you all the best in love, light, and shadow work, and if you care to read more about my TF Journey, the articles can be found right here:
Read stories on the list “My Twin Flame Journey“ on Medium: https://medium.com/@lytlemedaval/list/7d88b451a383
If you’re feeling generous, and would like to support me directly, I can always use help with a caffeine boost:
https://buymeacoffee.com/missmedievalmedium
