Beware the “PerpePastor:” When Sexual Abuse Happens in the Black Church
’Tis the season to be jolly. Unless you’re a Black Christian woman survivor of male sexual violence. Then it’s ’tis the season to be triggered.
For many of us, this annual string of holidays produces angst and fear as we head “home” to encounter the perpetrators of our sexual abuse. The vast majority of sexual assault against women is committed by a close family member, friend, or acquaintance. So, how can you shame your daughter for preferring Friendsgiving with her chosen Comm-Unity when you’ve invited her rapist to Thanksgiving dinner?
Sistas, in this moment, are not going to make small talk and debate politics around the kitchen island with the uncle everyone knows is too “touchy feely.” In this moment, this zenith, with all of the sexual allegations brimming over into every sphere of life, we have to seize it. With every story that is told, every instance that silence is shattered, we are embracing a new world order. A world where women and girls are valued — especially Black women and girls.
With over 60% of Black women being sexually abused before they turn 18, it makes sense that we might seek respite in African-American religious institutions. After all, the Black Church has, historically, been a site for justice and transformation. We like to tout the Black Church as a “hospital” for sinners. But what happens when the hospital for sinners becomes a hospice for survivors? Where a space once created as a form of resistance and healing now connotes bondage and death? This perversion happens whenever a pastor of a predominantly Black church fails to believe and protect Black Christian women survivors of male sexual violence.*
Since Black churches are 85% women, that means that half of Black Church congregations are Black women who have been sexually abused before they turn 18. Half. Fifty percent. And that’s low because sexaul assault is so underreported.
If half of your church congregation tripped on the curb outside of the narthex and broke their right legs, you would call a contractor immediately. So, how is it that a seething ill like sexual abuse can remain so rampant while many Black churches are radio silent?
One word.
Power.
One adjective we keep hearing over and over to describe Harvey Weinstein is, “powerful.” He had stratospheric influence and could make (or break) an actor’s career. So, it was Harvey’s narcissism and controlling manner that made him an abuser, but it was the system of sexism and patriarchy that protected and affirmed his vile actions.
Yet, Harvey Weinstein is not an anomaly. He has, infuriatingly, become “the norm.” So, I wonder, who is the Harvey Weinstein of 2017?
Who is the Harvey Weinstein of 2017?
We have to come to terms with the fact that an abuser, somewhere, is active TODAY. Hell, we have one sitting in the White House so what makes us think we don’t have one in the church house? One can replace “Hollywood” with “church” and “Harvey” with “Pastor” and see just how closely this hits to home. Just like Harvey controlled a movie studio, pastors control a pulpit. And, as my Sista-friend, Dr. Alisha Lola Jones, posed, “If churchwomen were to start naming the men who have groped them in the church and seminary… chile…” The problem is, we have not, as a collective unit, carved out a space for Black Christian women survivors to disclose their abuse AND be believed once they come forward. We act like women speaking out about their sexual trauma is “brave” when, really, it should be standard so we can hold perpetrators accountable and end male sexual violence against Black women and girls.
The Black Church has a role in this work and there is a critical mass of pastors, preachers, ministers, lay leaders, and members who want to re-member the mosaic of a broken covenant with Black Christian women survivors. This critical mass needs to overwhelm the status quo of the Black Church.
As my Sista-colleague, Nichelle Jenkins, so accurately stated:
[A]t a minimum, black churches not ministering to the full needs of black women are willfully ignorant, dangerously bordering on committing ministerial malpractice. The woman with the issue of blood is trailing her issue up and down the aisles. What are you looking at?
Who are you looking at? Who are we not looking at? Sexual predators are not creepy lurkers at the playground. They are doctors, lawyers, teachers, coaches…deacons, ministers, preachers, and pastors. Beware the “perpepastor:” the pastor who, directly or indirectly, perpetrates male sexual violence against Black women when he:
- Abuses members of his flock.
With the stigma attached to mental health counseling in the Black community, going to “see Pastor” has become an acceptable replacement for psychotherapy. However, the women members coming to talk to their male pastor for spiritual nourishment are vulnerable and susceptible to being taken advantage of. In the midst of “counseling,” Black Christian women survivors can be revictimized by pastors in therapist’s clothing. It is imperative that we create safe spaces for Black women to share their stories and receive acknowledgment, belief, affirmation, and (truly) wise counsel.
2. Pimps out his congregation.
The former actor Heather Kerr alleged in a press conference that Weinstein exposed himself to her and forced her to touch him during a private meeting in 1989. She said he wanted to have sex with her and offered to take her to parties where he would tell her who she needed to sleep with — THIS IS SEX TRAFFICKING!!! I have heard short tales about pastors who invite guest itinerant preachers to their churches. Men, who are in town for a night or two, have their choice of women “soothers” (tithing church members) who will engage the male guest preacher in sexual activity. Sirs, this is not ministry. This is sex trafficking. Stop.
3. Protects perpetrators in his congregation.
We all know that perpetrators are typically highly regarded. They are pillars of strength and charity in our communities. They also hug you too closely during the greeting moment in Sunday worship. Graze your breast or butt as they pass you in the pew. Make illicit comments about the pencil skirt you’re rockin’. Other women will say, “Oh, Deacon So and So is just a nasty old man.” The senior pastor will hear about this behavior and make light of it; say, “he’s an OG (original gangsta).” And when you disclose your experience(s) to the SENIOR PASTOR, he will say that you have to be careful of what you say, how you say it, and who finds out that you said it because anything you say: 1. Can be used against you in a court of law. And 2. Will make the deacon’s hood family come check you.
Christ, have mercy.
These three manifestations of perpepastoring are not a comprehensive list of how perpepastors show up in congregational settings. But they are the most explicit and happening today in Black churches across the country. Which is why pastors, preachers, and ministers who are not addressing sexual abuse from the pulpit and in Christian Education, are, as Jenkins illustrates, engaging in “spiritual malpractice.” Pastors, preachers, and ministers should be barred or banned until you are ready to name this evil, condemn this sin, and deconstruct trash theology that says, “forgive.” Forgiveness is a process. A series of rituals to release anger, guilt, and shame and embrace healing, transformation, and restoration…not a cute catchphrase so that you don’t have to deal with “drama” in your congregation.
Jenkins continues, “Be clear: I am not issuing a call to now lean exclusively on the already stretched women’s ministry, provided there is one.” This is a call for Black men, especially those in communities of faith, to be vigilant about checking their socialized patriarchy and reverting internalized biases. Misogyny is real. Misogynoir is rampant.
My Brotha-friend, Razul Branch, gave me hope (and life!) with his recent thoughtful Facebook status:
One of the most eye opening experiences I ever had in my life was when i learned just how many people particularly women have been victims of sexual abuse or assault in their lifetime…[And] it really enrages me when i hear people ask ‘why’d they wait so long to say something?’ Because you have no idea how heavy the burden is that some of these people are dragging with them on a daily basis.”
Brothas, Razul GETS IT. Be like Razul.
We cannot lose the momentum of this moment. We can’t let the next scandal pop off and relegate these current conversations to “Harveygate.”
I stand corrected. This isn’t a moment. This is a movement. From the Black Church to Hollywood to the streets of the ‘hood, we must deconstruct abusive silos and reconstruct expanses where Black women and girls are safe, secure, healed, protected, valued, honored, and treasured. ESPECIALLY, in the Black Church.
May it be so, on earth as it is in heaven. Asé and A-women.
*I am aware that women are perpetrators of violence and Black men are also survivors of sexual assault. I also know that sexual abuse transcends racial and ethnic lines. However, the perpetrators of sexual violence against Black women are overwhelming male. Thus, with my social location and Black church congregations being made up of 85% women, these are the narratives I am lifting up.
