Published by Lauren Zalenski on September 26, 2018
Don't get embarrassed
Alcoholic parents can be quite embarrassing at times. For example, when your friend comes over and you both walk into the living room with your dad passed out on the couch with a beer bottle in his hand, or even worse, him being fully awake and acting like a fool. You quickly run upstairs to your room with your friend and act as if nothing happened. You might find their behavior to be embarrassing. The best thing you can do is understand that they aren’t intentionally trying to embarrass you. After some time has passed, try pulling them to the side and respectfully talking to them about the issue.
2. Observe patterns
When alcoholics drink, they tend to develop patterns of behavior. Observe how they behave each time they drink, so you can better prepare yourself to expect specific responses from them. For example, write it in a journal so you can keep track in an organized way. The journal will help to prevent you from being blindsided. Eventually, you may be able to predict how they are going to behave. However, this isn’t guaranteed to work every time because alcoholics can be unpredictable.
3. Don't be their caretaker
You are not responsible for taking care of your parents. Although it is nice to help them out, know the difference between being their child, and being their caretaker. Many times you may feel like you have to parent them. For example, warning them what they should or shouldn’t do when they are drinking. By doing this, you are enabling them. It is okay to be a kid and have fun! Your whole life doesn’t have to revolve around the responsibility of being somebody’s caretaker just yet. I’m not saying don’t do any chores or help around the house, but know that you are not their parent, they are yours.
4. Talk to someone you trust
Many times you may feel alone and like you have no one who will understand how you are feeling. Find a support system that will listen and talk you through your struggles. Other family members, friends, and resources through school are great examples of people who care and are there for you. It is challenging to have an alcoholic parent, so having someone to talk to that you trust is a great way to cope with your stress positively.
5. Don't enable
A huge step in dealing with your parent’s alcoholism is realizing that it is not your fault. However, there are many ways to enable alcoholics. For example, many times witnessing your parent in pain, shaking, and suffering when they haven’t had enough to drink can be extremely hard to watch. Although it may be disturbing to witness, do not feed into their addiction by giving them the tools to get their hands on more alcohol (ex- money). In the long run, it is hurting them even more.
6. Be aware of your feelings
Often we feel that ignoring our feelings is the easy way out. But in reality, acknowledging and accepting your feelings allows you to know that having emotions is okay. Having an alcoholic parent comes with a lot of emotions, as well as a lot of stories. An American author named Thomas King says in The Truth about Stories, “Stories can control our lives, for there is a part of me that has never been able to move past these stories, a part of me that will be chained to these stories as long as I live.” The main message from Thomas King is that we consist of many stories. The stories we have, and the stories we can share, will forever be tied to us. Emotions are just small aspects of our larger story. While emotions help to tell our stories accurately, it is the stories themselves that are within us that shape us as people and guide us throughout life.
7. Learn how to manage your stress
Stress may be an occurring response in a typical day. Some valuable tips to reduce stress is to practice mindfulness. This practice is the idea to focus on yourself and be aware of your surroundings. Focus on the present, not the future or the past. Do things you are passionate about and enjoy doing. Some examples are playing a sport, writing, painting, playing an instrument, etc. These activities will help ease your mind and fill you with happiness. Also, having an optimistic viewpoint on life and an excellent social support system will help reduce stress as well.
8. Realize how strong you have become
You may find yourself questioning why you are different than many adolescents your age. You are different because you are mature. That is a good thing! Some kids may not even know how to wash dishes, and the hardest thing they’ve ever been through was losing their first tooth. But on the other hand, you are capable of being an independent and mature person. Although you may be going through a lot of tough times, you are going to be a stronger person in the long run. It takes difficult times that break you down, to be able to build you back up even stronger. Know that you can handle anything thrown at your way.
9. Don't blame yourself
Often we tend to blame ourselves for the cause of our parents’ addiction. However, it is crucial to realize that you did not cause their addiction. They made the poor choices that they did, which caused them to form an addiction. You cannot put their issues and problems onto yourself, no matter how hard it may be. Overall, we want the best for our parents, but only they can be the one to realize and accept that they need help. Until then, know that you are not alone, and most importantly, do not blame yourself.
10. Don't repeat the cycle
The future may seem far away. However, it will sneak up on you sooner than later. You may say to yourself, “I would never put myself or the people that care about me through anything I’ve been through.” But it is easier said than done. It is more likely for children of alcoholic parents to become addicts themselves. Be aware of your actions and don’t let yourself slip into that dark hole. Also, learn the signs of early alcoholism so you can acknowledge if you are starting to develop a problem, as well as stop it early on. You have the power to end the dangerous cycle.
