THE BEGINNING OF THE END- DAY 2.

Time:5am

I got up from bed from what wouldn’t have been good enough to be considered a normal sleep but for me, it was way better than all my combined months of sleep except for the times I was in the hospital. I got into the kitchen and made breakfast as usual, it was white rice and stew plus egg and plantain, I put my all into that cooking because I had a feeling that it was going to be the last time I would handle the cooking in that house.

6am:

I was done with Subhi, I wept and told my Lord to give me the guidance to go about this. I had taken our son’s bath and prepped him up for school. Although I knew that it wasn’t that morning that I would be taking my leave, I sha knew it was going to be the means to the eventual end or maybe not.

6:20am:

It was time for the bus to leave, our son’s father took our son and left for where the bus was parked, I walked up to him and told him to let me have the boy because we weren’t following him to school that day and neither was I going to do bus conductor duties. He told me I was joking and that even I wasn’t following him, he would take our son with him. I became mother hen and told him no way, he said that I was crazy and I told him that I had truly gone crazy and would show him what a crazy mother would do if he didn’t hand over our son to me.

The noise attracted his parents and the other family members staying in the compound. I wasn’t moved a bit, all that mattered to me at that point was our son, my son, the one that made me stay that long, the one whose sight comforted me on nights that got really sad.

His father told him to give the boy to me, in his words, ‘we all know that the boy doesn’t allow any other person to carry him abi you now have breasts to give him ni?’.

Once he handed our son back to me, his father told me to follow him into the masjid and told his son to go ahead with the daily pick up of pupils so that they don’t run late. He asked me what was wrong and I told him all that happened, I didn’t mention how he pressurised me into getting another job outside of Ado or how badly he wanted us to leave the family house. After I ended my story with the part where his son told me to choose between traveling to Ibadan for the interview and staying married to him, he asked me what I wanted to do and I said, ‘I am tired and I want a break, it’s hard for me to keep up with my sanity if I continue to stay here, I don’t care if this break would be a means to restructuring our marriage or whatever that we choose to call this, but I am tired.’

He sighed heavily and told me he understands, maybe he didn’t but none of that mattered at that point. He said that we would have to discuss this later and I would leave, but it wouldn’t be on the 20th because I had to be in the school to sort out the questions for the test. He drove me back to that school and said we would meet back at home.

8:00am:

I arrived at the school with swollen eyes, I don’t know if it was as a result of the nearly sleepless night or the fact that I wept while speaking with my ‘father-in-law' or a combination of both.

I entered the compound, dropped my boy in Creche and beckoned at one of the other members of staff, a lady that had always been very sympathetic with me- she always gave me the knowing look but never spoke about it. My heart was hurting deeply and I felt like I would explode if I didn’t talk to someone about it, when I told her that I was taking a break, she hugged me tightly and said that she was really proud of me, she said that she knows how much I have had to endure in that house and had always marvelled at how I stayed calm through it all.

I couldn’t control the tears, I let it flow freely, I then proceeded to collecting the vetted C.A questions from the HM who was also the wife to my husband’s eldest brother. She had told me earlier that she wanted to talk to me during the long break. To be honest, this woman had been one of the reasons I still stayed in the house, it was her constant talk of how I should be patient. This woman was the reason I didn’t pack my belongings the day I saw incriminating texts on my husband’s phone, she and her husband had begged me not to inform his father because that one wouldn’t take cheating lightly- maybe I should have informed my father in law of how this lady, who was his student and my look alike, told him that it was the first time she was emotionally ready for sex or how my husband told me that he was only acting as a pseudo boyfriend to this lady and how he would start giving our marriage more attention too.

12:00pm

I entered the HM’s office and this other member of staff was there too. In tears, they asked if I was sure that this was the end and I told them that even I wasn’t sure but the only thing that mattered to me was that I needed the break before I lost it all. They held my hands and told me that only I had the decision to make at that point and that they would want me to think it through again and consider the years of suffering. I told them that I would but that a lot of things needed restructuring, our marriage inclusive.

2pm:

School closed, my husband had gone ahead to the bus and he wasn’t talking to me, I wasn’t moved. I strapped my son to the back and took a bike to First Bank Adebayo where I withdrew 5k, that was going to be my transport fare. I hadn’t touched the food that I made earlier but I had other pressing things on my mind.

My father in law had called my parents after dropping me off in the school, father called and started his usual, ‘I knew this wasn’t going to last, if only you and your mother had listened to me.’. Mother too called and in her usual manner had told me that I should know she isn’t in support of my leaving that house, she added, rather sternly that if my husband’s family asked me what I decided on, I must never utter the word that I wanted out. I still couldn’t understand why own mother had to be a source of trial to me, I knew mothers to be protective but there she was, making sure that I never left the slaughter’s slab.

4pm:

I had gotten home and made lunch, it was amala and ewedu but there was something I didn’t do, I didn’t use my money to buy fish for the house, the one we had in the freezer had been exhausted for almost a week and since no one was saying anything about it and I, being the good girl had always been the one using my meagre savings to buy panla fish for the house because I wasn’t comfortable serving the man I married and his parents without any source of protein. By now, pangs of hunger had overcome me and I managed to eat few spoons of food, I needed to think about my next move but nothing would come to mind.

I badly needed to talk to someone but I realized that I no longer had anyone to call my friend. He had stripped me of every single person I knew, he had warned me on several occasions that talking to these people would not make me concentrate on the marriage, he had even placed a bug on my WhatsApp line at this point and had printed out copies of my chats with people. At that point, I knew how alone I was and there was going to be no one to save me. I prayed Asr and told my Lord to help me say the right things and give me the strength to forget ahead. The only verse in my head was the one where Allah said, ‘To everyone is a pledge for their deeds,’ Kul Nafsin bima kasabat Rohina.

6pm:

I had completed typing the test questions, the inverter in the house was too low to power the printer so I went to a business center, printed out the questions and headed to the schools ccleaner’s house, she stayed in our area so I handed the questions to her with the instruction to hand them over to the other member of staff that I earlier mentioned.

7:30pm:

I was summoned into the masjid, my husband, his elder brother, and their parents were there. After the plenty back and forth, his father said,

‘I can’t stop you from leaving, I have seen situations where a wife would become agitated and kill her husband and kids, I’ve also seen vice versa and I won’t want you to injure yourselves.

I believe that things will still become settled even if the break that you seek runs for months, I will inform your parents that you both need to stay away from yourselves for a while.’

I reminded him that it was the third time his son would say that he had divorced me and he said that we would not count the first one because he didn’t use the word Talaq, he said that it meant we still had one more chance. I smiled because I wasn’t sure of how that ‘chance’ was going to change anything. His father said that he would drive me to the park the following day as long as I was sure that I was headed to Ibadan, I reminded him that I had no other place to return to.

Then, my husband’s elder brother sparked, he told me that he won’t stop me from leaving but that I wasn’t going to leave with my son. I looked at him and wanted to ask him if the boy in question was his. He asked me if I brought a child when I entered their house and I replied him that I didn’t meet a child there too.

My husband too added that I wasn’t leaving with his son and I told him right there that the only prayer I have for him is that he sees the light before it becomes too late. I told him that I wasn’t surprised he let his own family suffer this long while he fuelled others. I told him that we all get to that point where being strong no longer mattered and I was there and I want to experience happiness with or without him.

His father told us to be patient and added that I had the right to be my son’s custodian especially because he was still suckling. He told me to pack the thing that I would need for this trip and he would take me to the park the following morning. I thanked him and left.

9:30pm:

My husband entered the room and called one of the distant cousins staying with us to serve his food. The lady brought in the soup and as soon as he opened it to discover that there was no fish or meat, he looked at me, looked back at the soup and hissed before telling that one to get him water. A part of me pitied him at that point, I was one of the reasons he had anything good to eat, I was the one making sure that we ran out of nothing, I was even tagged the CFO because I would buy everything needed and not complain. I looked at him and imagined the days he would go hungry because no one would care that he doesn’t eat onions in meals or that he hated adding beef stock to jollof rice.

I looked at him and realized that he won’t have anyone take him out to eat big fish on payday or buy him facial products to maintain his complexion. I looked at him and realized how much of myself had been lost in the name of being married. I took out a bag and started packing my son’s essentials, I took my certificate too and added few clothing that my bag could contain. The only thing that mattered to me was the journey I’d be taking on the 21st of February.