HEY, what’s going on?
Once upon a time… Not that long ago, I was a true believer. Not only I was religious, but I had faith in people.
Every day going to the church, singing in the church choir, praying… but somehow along the way I’ve realised I believed in someone who doesn’t exist rather than in myself. Right about that time I was a real different person. Not only because of my religion, but also because I’ve realised more recently that I’ve lost faith into people that are close to me, too.
You ask yourself how did that happen and why? I can try to explain, but does it really matter that much?
My whole life I wished to get better, to be healthy and strong. There was a time I thought I wasn’t good enough so I tried to be the best at everything. It helped at getting stronger, but not healthier. After some time, when the puberty hit me, I did get better for a little while and that was when I had more faith than ever. But…
Yeah, there’s “but”. I got sick again. And not only I got sick, but people in the church and my friends started to look at me differently because of that. For few years now I felt crippled or something just because I let my “friends” make me feel this way.
The other night I had it enough.
My best friend called my life perfect and said I had no worries at all because she lost a guy (whom she had cheated on) and I just stared at her and waited for an apology. Guess what? I didn’t hear one. Because, even tough I was always there listening to her first world problems (and it wasn’t a first time), she never listened when I was all down and depressed over my health.
I do have a great family, best sister, great nephew and niece and world’s best boyfriend, but tell me… what does a sick person want most?
Health. And that is what I don’t have… It’s not that I’m bitching about it all the time because I know there are lots of sick people, but I do wish to get my health back.
I tried to explain how every person sees their life differently and that everyone has their own problems we shouldn’t underestimate.
When I realised that not everyone is able to understand that other people have problems too, was the moment I realised she shouldn’t be a part of my life anymore.
Not just because she thinks my life’s perfect, but because I don’t wanna be a person that has to be always happy when hanging out with her. I don’t wanna act and pretend that I’m happy in the moments I’m not.
The worst thing she did was that she threatened with suicide. I was trying to make her feel better but then I realised she was doing it just to make me worried. That’s not what friends do. And suicide is not something someone should joke about.
I have other people in my life who understand that sometimes I have to deal with my own stuff, who hold my hand when I need that and people that are grateful for my help and time that I’m willing to spend on them. These people deserve all my time, not someone who uses me only when she feels like it…