25 Lessons at 25

In a few months, I’ll be making the terrifying yet inevitable cross-over to my “late” twenties. Reflecting on the last 25 years, I’ve taken many leaps of faith, made tons of mistakes and gained a lot of life lessons. The 25 below are key takeaways from both my personal & professional life, in no particular order.

1. Change is the only constant. Learn to thrive with it. Personally, I moved 15 times as a kid. Professionally, just in my 3.5 years at Google, I’ve had 9 managers, 6 teams, and experienced 3 functions: Sales, Marketing & Business Development. I’ve realized the easiest way to thrive is see every change as a mini-reset & new opportunity. It definitely keeps things interesting.
2. Pick your battles. You win some, you lose some. Know when to cut your losses and walk away. Stand your ground when its something truly important to you.
3. Its okay to not have a “calling”. There are a select few who find their calling at an early age, whether its athletics, medicine, or engineering. The majority of us aren’t so lucky, and take years to figure out our so-called “calling”. There are people who never really do. I started working when I was 14 to support myself through school, and have work experience in engineering, finance, retail management, operations, sales, marketing & business development. My entire career to-date has been checking off boxes of things that I don’t like to do or wasn’t good at, and while I know “working with people” is what I like to do, I am still nowhere to close to finding that “dream job”. I’m okay with that.
4. People change. As time passes by, people will change & evolve. You yourself will also change, for better or worse. Do your part to preserve & maintain, but let it go naturally if your efforts go repeatedly unreciprocated. Its a pity, but its a part of life. It also makes you cherish the ones who have stayed close even more.
5. Be proud of your identity. Growing up in Fargo, North Dakota; Huntington, Indiana; Yorktown Heights, New York…and about 10 other predominately white areas, I spent the first 10 years of my life feeling ashamed of my heritage & culture. I distinctly remember being asked by my 3rd grade classmate why I had “those type of eyes”. Freezing up when the crazy white man beating up a black homeless man in the metro station screamed “what are you chinks looking at?” Refusing to speak to my parents unless they spoke to me in English. When I moved to Cupertino, California in 2001 and discovered (many) other Asian people, I started to question my attitude and quickly tried to make up for lost time. I became obsessed with all things Chinese and ended up minoring in Chinese at Berkeley, studying abroad twice in Taiwan & Hong Kong, and interning in China. Today, my heritage is a huge part of my identity.
6. See work as a part of your life. One of my previous managers questioned the term “work life balance”. She asked, “why are we elevating work to be of equal importance as life? Work should only be a part of life”. Very fair point.
7. Quality > Quantity. This applies to friends, activities, projects, and virtually every aspect of life. After fainting during a midterm my junior year at Berkeley, I realized that things needed to change. I looked at my calendar, filled with classes, club meetings, rehearsals, work study, my other part time job, and a plethora of social engagements. There were virtually no blank spaces. I took a step back and questioned how much impact I was bringing to the table. I realized I was so stretched trying to do everything that I was actually accomplishing very little. So I re-calibrated my priorities, made a few tough choices, and learned to celebrate those blank spaces. They’ve since helped me bring much more quality into everything I do.
8. If you see something messed up, speak up. Question the way things work, and do something! There is so much wrong with this world. As a global citizen, I believe its our duty to step up and do something when we can. It starts with showing empathy & leading by example, but can evolve to much more with the right cause. The tragic week that Alton Sterling & Philando Castille were gunned down, I joined a grassroots community of Asian American strangers across the nation on a Google Doc to help pen an intergenerational letter about racial justice, police violence, and anti-Blackness. Over the subsequent weeks, this letter was translated into 23 languages and served as conversation starters to many heart-to-heart discussions with our elders. While its by far not an end-all be-all, the hope is that people can use it to start building empathy & understanding and be inspired to create change.
9. Treat your partner, friends & family well, and be vocal about your love. I read somewhere that we often give our worst to our loved ones and our best to strangers. I’m definitely guilty of this, and try to catch myself when I’m losing my patience or unleashing my frustrations onto someone I love.
10. Travel to see the world & truly broaden your perspective. Don’t just check off the number of countries visited & number of selfies taken with famous landmarks. Make an effort to learn the history & culture, talk to the locals, and understand how they live. Get lost, venture out of your comfort zone, step out of character for a bit. It will be a much more meaningful trip.
11. Learn how to sell. Regardless of what you do, knowing how to sell your idea, product or self is a crucial skill. While I’ve thankfully improved from that first awkward cold call hiding in a conference room, I believe honing the art of selling is a continuous journey and still have a long way to go.
12. Failure hurts, but its necessary & inevitable. I didn’t get into Columbia, my dream college. I didn’t get a college internship with Google. I didn’t make the cut to be a UC Berkeley Student Senator, despite giving it my all campaigning for 3 weeks passing out thousands of flyers with my platforms. I quit my first full-time job after college in 5 months after realizing it was not a fit. I’ve failed so many times, but each and every one of those failures taught me something.
13. Cherish the little things in life. Holding hands with your significant other. Cackling with your best friend over an inside joke. Sharing cat gifs with your aunt. Finding the best parking spot, discovering a delicious new restaurant, spotting the prettiest rainbow after a storm. The list goes on.
14. Health is so important. Regardless of how successful you are, nothing matters if you aren’t healthy.
15. You can’t please everybody. There will always be people that don’t like you or rub you the wrong way. Focus on the people who like you and respect you for who you are. #hatersgonnahate
16. If you want something, ask. I used to be the “keep your head down, do good work, and wait for things to happen” type. As I have learned, don’t expect to be rewarded for doing a good job. Don’t automatically expect your manager to promote you just because you are performing consistently at the next level. Take charge to maximize the possibility. Create a business case for why you should be promoted with detailed data points on your impact, and ask for it.
17. Always be kind & respectful. They say “the true measure of a man is how he treats those who can do nothing for him”. During my 5 months as a Sales Manager at Macy’s, I saw a lot of the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve had impeccably dressed ladies throw coupons in my face when I told them they couldn’t retro-actively receive the Friends & Family discount. I’ve witnessed mini-brawls over the last NutriBullet at 5AM working my first & last Black Friday. These snippets remain clear in my memory, and remind me to always be kind, regardless of how annoyed I am.
18. Its okay to be vulnerable. You are only human. As I learned to show my vulnerabilities, I realized that people were willing to listen and help, or even open up to me about their own.
19. Money matters. Its so important to have money, and manage it well. It pays the bills and enables you with the freedom of choice. Its important to learn about money management early so you always have some extra cash flow.
20. There is such a thing as “Too much of a good thing”. As I learned after binging on 3 bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos…and then going to karaoke for 5 hours. Everything in moderation.
21. Fake it ‘til you make it, to a certain extent. I believe in being authentic. That being said, confidence & charisma can take you far. I was as shy, insecure & awkward as they came in high school. When I went to college, I decided to turn that around. While initially I felt like a total fraud, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I could be both social & an introvert. My confidence shot up and I quickly evolved to become actually confident.
22. Don’t be afraid to ditch the small talk & go for those deeper conversations. While conversations about the weather are absolutely fascinating, I’ve found that the quality of my conversations have drastically increased when I break the small talk cycle and pose a question about their dreams & aspirations, family or problems.
23. Seek out Mentors. I have many mentors, both inside & outside of work. I would definitely not be where I am today without them, and I still have so much more to learn. They are my sounding board, my counselors, and my personal board of directors.
24. Prioritize precious time with family. One of my favorite articles of all time is The Tail End by Wait by Why. It’s depressing, but it puts things in perspective. Time is precious, and time with family is finite. Every chance I get, I go to Asia and stop by Hangzhou to see my family. When my aunt got diagnosed with advanced lung cancer, my grandpa passed away after 15 months in the ER, and other loved ones started to feel the inevitable pains of aging and sickness, I was devastated but grateful that I have accumulated so many precious moments with them, and will continue to do so every chance I get.
25. Smile & Be Happy. Life is short, and there will always be things to be sad, mad or frustrated about. Particularly in 2016. I can’t control everything, but I can control my attitude and how I respond to whatever life throws my way.

What are yours?

Cheers,

Mona