Day 2: Jumbo Crayons

I remember being in kindergarten and having no friends. Much of this was my own doing because I was timid, quiet, and anti-social. It also did not help that everyday for about a month from school beginning, I would cry and beg my mom not to leave me. I distinctly remember latching onto those old school rolling tv stands because I knew if I let go, things got real. This was until the day the principal came in and yelled at me. She told me I have to stop making my mom late to work cause she’s a nurse and I am keeping her from saving lives. I should preface this by saying I attended at Catholic school, and my principal was a sister. So, when a sister yells at you, you listen. I stopped crying, and slowly began to understand what school is meant for.

Before I knew it, I was comfortable with school. Besides the occasional peeing or pooping in my pants because my teacher would not let me use the restroom/I was not feeling school that day, or that one time I vomited on one of my then bullies before a field trip, I was okay with going to school. I even made a couple friends with whom I would pretend to be Team Rocket with during recess. With that said, for a while the one thing I regret most is asking my mom to get me jumbo crayons. To a then six-year-old me, I thought jumbo crayons were the reason 98% of a class of about 20 students hated me. There were a couple individuals in particular who made fun of me the day I brought these jumbo crayons to school. Granted they made fun of me everyday, but the day they made fun of me for coloring with these unnecessarily oversized crayons is a day I will never forget.

During the first month of kindergarten almost everyone laughed at me, but I realized they were right to cause I was a crybaby. But the day almost everyone laughed at me for having jumbo crayons broke my heart. That is because I really liked the jumbo crayons and thought they were super cool. I did not really see anyone with them so I thought by having them I would be cool. This is when I realized that material things do not make you cool. Confidence does. The kids who made fun of me and got the class to follow admitted to me later in life that they actually liked the jumbo crayons. They only made fun of me cause I was different and an easy target. Looking back on it, they were right.

My point is that we often make excuses to cover up our insecurities. I do not condone bullying and I am not saying that is what people need to become stronger individuals. I am saying that we all need to look ourselves in the mirror and face our problems head-on. If you do not, people will prey on you.

I truly believe if I tried harder to fit in rather than stand out, my first couple years in school would have been a lot easier. People will tell you that you should want to stand out from the rest. That you should aim to be a leader not a follower. Problem is you have to learn how to follow and fit in before you can figure out a way to stand out. I do not regret that experience because it made me stronger. It also made me realize that if you remain true to yourself, eventually people will catch on to your coolness.

I am sorry for blaming you for all these years, jumbo crayons.