Letting Go Is One of the Hardest Things
There is a saying where I come from in Ghana, and it loosely translates to “the animal that wil bite you will come from your own cloth”. Essentially, the person that can hurt you the most will be someone close to you. So many times this year, this saying has hit close to home. Indeed, many animals from my own cloth have bitten me. I have lost some significant relationships and been let down by people I trusted and loved. I do not think I am alone in this; many of us have experienced our worst hurt by people that we loved and trusted. What do you do when the people you loved hurt you so much? How do you let go and move on from the hurt?
I struggle with losing people.I am one of those “hopeless romantics”, even in friendships. I have never really been great at the “cutting people off” culture, as I try to fight for that relationship until I no longer have the energy. I recognize how much self-harming this is, but that is who I am. That is who I have always been, for as long as I can remember. Whenever I have a falling out with someone, I tend to ruminate on what happened, what I could have done better and what they could have done to meet me halfway. I fixate on what I have lost and struggle to eat or sleep. That is the kind of person I am…
“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life”-. Anne Roiphe
Letting go after the hurt and dissapointment is one of the most difficult things. This year, I have lost a total of 3 friendships;one of them was a person I had been friends with since childhood who started acting cold to me and gradually pushed me out of their lives. I dont think I have let go of these losses yet. Sure, I dont think about them as often as I did before, but I still catch myself wishing that these people were still a part of my life. Sometimes, I find a funny meme or video that remind me of these people, and I catch myself feeling sad. I am still figuring out how to go about my life without holding on to the good memories I made with those friends. I am still working through the disappointment, anger and sadness. It might take a while, but I think I will eventually get to a place where I will be okay with all the people I have lost.