To Graduate Students, from Another Graduate Student.
Graduate school is one of the most difficult journeys you will ever embark on, in my opinion. I consider it a journey because you make a conscious decision to attend, you pack some “essentials” and you set off with an arrival date in mind. Unfortunately, many of us are unprepared for what the journey holds and find ourselves either stuck or extremely frustrated once we begin. I have definitely had days where I have doubted my ability to complete the journey or broken down in tears as a result of sheer exhaustion and frustration. After surviving two years in my graduate program, I have finally developed some coping tools that I would like to share with fellow graduate students. Remember that each individual experience is different, however, there are overlaps within each experience. Thus, some of the things I will suggest might work for you, and others might not. If they don’t work for you, feel free to trash it J
You might experience some setbacks, but you are not a failure.
This is arguable one of the hardest realizations I have made about myself in graduate school. I was a stellar student in undergraduate, graduating with honors and among the top 4% in my department. I gained admission into a doctoral program on my first try (praise God!!!) and I was lucky enough to be offered a scholarship package. Then the blow came in my second semester of graduate school; I couldn’t always make straight A’s. I was the only person in my class to not get an A in a specific course, although I worked as hard as everyone else. I finished with a B and everyone else knew it. This particular experience was the first of many that led me to feel like the weakest link in my cohort. I had to get over that really quickly because I still needed to show up for client sessions and be an effective clinician. I have since gotten more B’s in my journey and have become more accepting of that. Simply because I don’t finish a semester with all A’s does not make me unintelligent. I also experienced a major set-back with my thesis research. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I could not propose my research idea along with the rest of my cohort. I had to wait for the next semester to propose to my committee. Then, data collection did not go as planned. Then, my advisor made some decisions about a software I needed that greatly slowed down the analytical process. I had to spend the entire summer working on something that should have taken approximately a month and half to complete. As much as that experience sucked, I had to accept the circumstances and do the best I could to pull myself along. In those moments, I had to constantly remind myself that I had not failed; I was not unintelligent or unqualified. It is still something that I have to make mental note about, that simply because I am slightly behind does not mean I have failed.
Talk to people who can be supportive of you.
Graduate school can be so isolating! From the internal politics and drama within departments to the silent competition among peers, it can become so easy to feel left out and isolated. It is okay to express your feelings of loneliness. No, you are not being a baby, and no you are not making it up. It is a very valid and real feeling. I still struggle with feeling lonely and insolated within my program, although I have very close friends with and outside of my department whom I can talk to. I also rely on some family members who have had similar graduate experiences, since I know they will more likely be empathetic and understanding of what I am going through. I won’t promise though that talking to people will make you feel less lonely. Sometimes, you might actually feel lonelier after you’ve reached out to people. However, simply taking to someone and verbalizing what you are feeling gives life to your experience and allows someone else to know what you are feeling.
You won’t always love what you’re studying/doing, and that’s perfectly okay.
There is often this misconception that you’ll always love your program in graduate school because you chose it. Boy, is that wrong! There are times when I love reading for class and seeing clients, then there are those other times where I’d rather be doing anything else than psychology. I have finally come to understand that those types of days may not necessarily mean that I need to consider a career change. It simply means that I am regular human who doesn’t always love what they do. The pleasure that you gain from your program ebbs and flows. Sometimes you wake up feeling some level of euphoria about what you’re going to do, and other times you just don’t. I have learned to take each day as it comes and roll with it. If I wake up feeling excited to see clients, then I go with it. If I wake up feeling like not doing anything psychology-related, then I watch a Netflix show, go for a long walk, or read a few chapters of a book. Sure, doing the latter comes with some level of guilt but learning to ignore the guilt and do what I need to take care of myself is also part of my journey.
Related to all of these pointers is the old-age cliché: take it one day at a time. Enjoy the journey and whenever you hit a milestone, feel free to pat yourself on the back!