Where am I really?
I’m sitting here in my English class bored out of my mind but am I really here? Personally, I think not. I am 61 steps, 2 fleet of stairs and a floor away from my current seat. How is that possible? Well let’s just say my heart and my mind are seated in the palms of a guy 61 steps, 2 fleets of stairs and a floor away but the reality is he is much farther than that. That’s actually the nearest he’s been to me the past month.
A month ago, you decided I was no longer a part of your life that you wanted to keep and exactly 6 days ago I forced myself to swallow that reality. The reality in which we live in where we are no longer a pair the universe wants together. Painful would be an understatement, for the first few days I remember waking up with the smallest amount of will to get up in my system, then the days that followed were some of the most unpleasant sets of 24 hours that I had to live in the 15 years I was blessed with. Walking past you and ignoring you just felt so wrong but in my head it was the right thing to do or rather in my best friend’s head it was the right thing to do because I didn’t really trust myself when I made the decision to delete you. Sleepless nights, and endless trails of thought I guess I found my silver lining amidst my blurred vision caused by the tears. It took quite a bit, around 2 repetitions of Ed Sheeran’s current album later I came to a conclusion, just a side note though I would like to remind all of you that this happened during a school night and I’ve already wasted four hours of sleeping time. My conclusion was pretty simple.
We’ve been torn apart before, I’ve been left before, everything that’s happening right now, none of it is a first time for any of us so there is nothing to worry about or anything to dwell upon. There was a me before you came and there will be a me after you that I will always reassure myself and the world. I also realized that no, I don’t have to ignore you or be unkind to you actually that’s the exact opposite of what I should do. All I really have to do is, un-love you. Pretty simple to say and pretty simple to plan out since you aren’t the first that I’ve had to un-love. Though deep inside I know it is one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do but, I’ve done it to others, I’ve done it before I know I can do it again. The world has screwed me over hundreds of times and crushed my hopes more than I can count but they’ve never succeeded in crushing my whole being. I won’t be giving you the privilege to say that you were the first one to succeed. Till the next time life says we’re meant to love each other again.